My Spot

Family Vacation in Quaking Aspen

2010-07-11T09:45:00.001-07:00

Click here to view this photo book larger

View from Centre Pompidou, Paris 1

2010-06-15T17:47:00.001-07:00

View from Centre Pompidou, Paris 1
Originally uploaded by awshots

We saw this view from Centre Pompidou. I wondered what the tall white building was. It is the Montmartre, more specifically Basilique du Sacré-Cœur. It appeared to be the tallest point in the city of Paris.

2010-06-13T10:06:00.001-07:00

070709 quaking aspens 4
Originally uploaded by lynpgz

This is the beautiful creek where I played as a little girl with my sisters - and my mother played when she was a little girl - and in just a little while, my granddaughters will play. My life and my memories are imprinted here on the trail

070709 quaking aspens creek
Originally uploaded by lynpgz

2010-06-13T10:01:00.001-07:00

Quaking Aspens Flower Meadow
Originally uploaded by lynpgz

This is where our family is vacationing for 4 nights. Quaking Aspen meadow is beautiful, and just a short walk outside our cabin. To the right is a little creek that is hidden among the forest. Deer come in the early evening. I can't wait!

2010-06-11T07:34:00.001-07:00

Nixon Widgi Gold/Blue Ladies Watch
Originally uploaded by garyfitzgerald39@yahoo.com

I keep my watch on Paris time ;-) and I am reminded that right now (7:40 AM PST) Paris is getting ready to get on the Metro and go home. We were on the Metro one evening during rush hour. I couldn't believe how many of us packed into such a small space!

View of the maze from the top

2010-06-10T09:10:00.001-07:00

View of the maze from the top
Originally uploaded by Greg from Cobb Mountain

2010-06-10T08:52:00.001-07:00

THE LOUVRE FLOOR PLAN & AUDIO GUIDE

floor plan&audio guide
Originally uploaded by hsili

Looks simple enough. You have a map. You have an audio guide. All you have to do is punch in the number and listen....NOT!

Each one of those floor plans has SEVERAL levels, twists and turns and the items (although numbered) aren't organized in reasonable fashion with obvious markers.

This electronic guide would be a video players dream by just making it through the maze. It was a challenge. Like in a video game - my whole goal was just to get there. I was often worn out/stressed out by the time I actually found an item. And who KNEW what I wanted to see. (How does one decide with an incredibly huge number of items to choose from what I actually want to see?)

I call this the TOYS R US of Museums. WAY too much to see to make any sense or good choices.

The GOOD - it was a great exercise for my brain that is not used to having to pick up what seemed like obscure clues. Another few days and I think I would have had it nailed :-)

2010-06-10T08:29:00.001-07:00

American Church in Paris
Originally uploaded by Iain McLauchlan

Sunday May 30, 2010: Ron's friend Karl from Paris suburbs - met me this morning to take me to the oldest American Church in Paris. First, of course, croissant & cafe olet. Julie slept in a little and went to her own cafe and walk. Much synchronicity going on at the church service for me. Several of my morning devotions dovetailed with the theme/songs/ reenactments. It was like Jesus was at my shoulder reminding me clearly that he was with me on this trip - and loving me through some of my concerns. It was very nice to be at HOME with the language and the form of worship. VERY nice. Worshiping with Christians in France was part of my Paris dream.

Inside the American Church in Paris
Originally uploaded by Happy A

Little Guys

2010-06-10T07:33:00.001-07:00

Smart Car Parking
Originally uploaded by DCDaveBrad

Lots of small cars in Paris. Delivery trucks were the only large vehicles. Cars were usually black or gray - sometimes blue and occasionally red.

2010-06-10T07:31:00.001-07:00

Mopeds
Originally uploaded by wck

LOTS of motorcycles/mopeds in Paris. This is a typical photo-shot. Streets were often lined with motorcycles.

2010-06-10T07:10:00.001-07:00

Berthillon ice cream cone
Originally uploaded by maki

Berthillon Ice Cream

Top of the list of food in Paris for me? THIS ice cream. The flavors are incredible. I had a chocolate ice cream. And later an apricot. If you were in heaven and were able to get the true taste of chocolate and apricot in ice cream - Berthillon has the recipe. Serioiusly. If you EVER go to Paris - find this ice cream. My friend Karl in Paris told us about it - and it became one of our treasures to find. Wonderful.

Monet's poppy field, Giverny

2010-06-08T21:26:00.001-07:00

Monet's poppy field, Giverny
Originally uploaded by Debbie G

Giverny, Monet's Path with Iris

2010-06-08T21:25:00.001-07:00

Giverny, Monet's Path with Iris
Originally uploaded by jpc.raleigh

Monet's house and garden

2010-06-08T21:23:00.001-07:00

france69
Originally uploaded by dalem

Monet's Japanese Bridge

2010-06-08T21:22:00.003-07:00

Monet's Japanese Bridge
Originally uploaded by Bunny8907

giverny

2010-06-08T21:22:00.001-07:00

giverny
Originally uploaded by herons

2010-06-08T09:40:00.000-07:00

Tourist in Paris

A FRIEND! Ron met and got to know Karl Clark this last fall in a class Ron facilitated, “The Artist's Way.” Karl returned to Paris where he has lived for the past 20 years with his Parisian wife. He gave Ron’s group an open invitation if they should ever come to Paris to look him up – and I did. We emailed each other before the trip and he met us the first morning of our Paris visit.

It was WONDERFUL to meet someone the morning of our first day in Paris that spoke English – AND grew up in Bakersfield. Karl was charming and incredibly hospitable – showing us how to use the metro and taking us around Paris, on a boat ride on the Seine, and treating us to a lunch outdoors in beautiful weather. Karl gave me a wonderful introduction to Paris – releasing some of my tension and fears about travel. Seeing a friendly face who knew the ropes and who was in touch with us throughout the week , was incredibly helpful. THANK YOU KARL!

I bless Karl for making a mistake on the Metro. We had to get off and on again I think because we passed our stop. If someone who lived here for 20 years could goof up – then I had permission to goof up with grace as well. THANK YOU KARL.

Paris Metro tickets
Originally uploaded by Cian Ginty

Paris Museum Pass
Originally uploaded by northerncontinent

Purchasing museum pass/ Metro tickets
This was done fairly easily. We bought a 3 day Metro pass and 4 day Museum pass from the travel store at the end of the street from our hotel.
Finding the museum
1. Locate the place on the map
2. Locate the Metro lines that led to the place
3. GO!

Metro Sign, Paris
Originally uploaded by ny156uk

Métro à Paris
Originally uploaded by lode.rummens

Walking through a museum
Usually this meant showing your museum pass, having your bags checked, picking up a map/brochure/guide and deciding on whether to get an audio tour or just walk through. I usually got an audio tour – Julie usually walked through

Sometimes walking through meant trying to follow a map (Louvre) which could be daunting. Louvre was daunting.

Walking through meant looking at an artifact, sculpture, painting – deciding if you liked it, what you liked about it, and reading or listening to someone’s description. Only the most important items were described. In a room of 50 objects in the Louvre, maybe only 5 objects were described. Sometimes the audio would give you a general description of the room you were entering – but often I was so disoriented and looking around for objects that listening to the guide (at the Louvre) was minimally appreciated.

Experiencing the art, the presentation
Two things allow one to appreciate art or a museum piece. Knowledge and a suspension of time to absorb and enjoy. I wish I could say that experiencing the art was incredible. My enjoyment of the art pieces was affected by the most banal thoughts: Finding the object, being hungry, thirsty, needing to go to the bathroom, what time was it? and when did I meet Julie? Something of my appreciation was an act, or going through the motions. I would go to a piece of art – look at it – and decide, “Do I like this?” mostly my head was filled with too much business to become timeless and enjoy.

However, with all those distractions going on - there was some art and some museum pieces that held me and glistened in my heart and eyes.

ORSAY MUSEUM

Orsay museum Paris
Originally uploaded by dthomas9678

There was a sculpture in Orsay which I loved. The Dance. It was a group of women and children I think, in motion – with such expressions of joy on their faces that you could not help but smile. This sculpture captured my attention. Jean-Baptiste Carpeaux – La Danse 1808

Paris - Musée d'Orsay: Jean Baptiste Carpeaux's La Danse
Originally uploaded by wallyg

There were two pieces of impressionistic art that caught my attention – different artists but similar scenes. At night in the park lit up by street lights. The picture was quiet, empty of people, and full of the peace and wonder of evening. It felt safe and like a sanctuary. I loved these pictures.
A Park at Night, circa 1892-95 by Jozsef Rippl-Ronai
Nocturne Dans Le Parc Royal, Brussels by William Degouve De Nuncques

William Degouve de Nuncques - Nocturne in the Parc Royal, Brussels
Originally uploaded by naezdok

THE LOUVRE was a contest. Could I find what I wanted to find and actually get there? Four levels, each which comprised of several levels themselves, with continuous twists and turns. It was SO EASY TO GET LOST. Once you were in the Egyptian section – you might not ever get out. The key word to my experience in The Louvre was, LOST! My goal at the Louvre became not so much to enjoy art – but to see if I could actually go where I wanted to go when I wanted to get there. I met Julie for lunch only 30 minutes after the appointed time. VICTORY! I found Napoleon III apartment on the 3rd floor and got back in time to meet Julie: VICTORY! I think people who are used to video games and finding treasures in incredibly complex mazes would be more comfortable at the Louvre. Julie and I both spent a great deal of time figuring how to get out of a place. Seriously.

Louvre - Night HDR
Originally uploaded by Delox - Martin Deák

I enjoyed the Egyptian part the most. To see all the artifacts and sculptures and mummified bodies was fascinating. I kept thinking as I walked through that Moses, and even Joseph and Mary had experienced this Egypt. I felt more in touch with the incredible determination to produce something beautiful and practical. The patience and timelessness that had to be present in doing such work. I envy that ability to set aside everything else except eating and sleeping to create.

Egyptian Antiquities, the Louvre
Originally uploaded by Jenny Owens

Egyptian Mummy Louvre Paris
Originally uploaded by carlovdpluijm

Paris, Louvre, Egyptian sphinx context
Originally uploaded by boglam

Going to the museums served to create new interest and desire to learn more. Three dimensional history was a catalyst to know more.

Napolean III Apartments
Originally uploaded by ToddSF

Did opulence and gold engender the same enthusiasm in design that a completely different style (like simple cottage style) does in others? Was there a sense satisfaction, peace, excitement? Or was it more a statement - "I spent a lot of money, I have a lot of power?" This simple American is unimpressed.

Mona Lisa
Originally uploaded by ToddSF

Smile baby, SMILE!

Winged Victory of Samothrace
Originally uploaded by abfall111

The Winged Victory of Samothrace, also called Nike of Samothrace, is a marble sculpture of the Greek goddess Nike (Victory).

The Victory is considered one of the great surviving masterpieces of Greek sculpture from the Hellenistic period, despite the fact that the figure is significantly damaged, missing its head and outstretched arms. By an unknown artist (presumably Rhodian in origin), the sculpture is thought to date from the period 220 BC - 190 BC (though some scholars date it as early as 250 BC or as late as 180 BC).

This winged sculpture captured my attention. Sitting on the stairs near her feet - I sensed greatness and beauty.

BEAUTIFUL!

Cupid and Psyche
Originally uploaded by ToddSF

VERSAILLES
The trip. This was our first trip outside of Paris on Saturday. The night before Julie plotted out our destination and the Metro lines and RER train that we would use to get there. Thank you Julie! We got up, ate breakfast, and were off!

The weather: The weather was cloudy and somewhat cold. VERY cold if you were caught in the wind (which happened at the top of the hill in the garden). There was also some rain. Weather affected our stay. We did not stay around because we were cold.

AUDIO GUIDE: This was the ONE time that the audio guides (Free this time) were truly helpful. It was a room by room guide and all we had to do was put in the number and listen. The actual information was listened to with mild interest that sometimes leaned to non-interest. Julie and I sometimes pushed on before the audio was finished.

The Castle: Immense. Art and creativity mixed in with opulence and greed and politics, mixed in with a theology of divine right rule. I wonder , in the years to come, when they walk through our gardens and buildings what will be obvious to them about our time and our beliefs. I also wonder – how much does right and wrong interfere with art? And does it? Did artists get lost in their creative productions – or were they resentful or angry at having to produce something? What about the craftsman who did the gold carved molding around the walls in the King’s bedroom? Did he feel passionate and blessed by God? Or did he feel enslaved? Or stressed at pleasing the king? I don’t think art cares much about politics. So many artists at so many levels during this time. Do we have artists like that? I don’t think so. We have become much more simplistic – puritan.

The Garden: Incredibly huge – geometric, beautiful with simple lines. I couldn’t imagine the use of the gardens. How were these gardens used on such an immense level? Did the queen have her enclave that went to a certain part of the garden (well hidden from other parts) to party with her friends? I know so little about this life of King’s Gardens and their purpose and use. I want to know more.

King Luis XIV: This man I learned a little bit – and I want to know more. He seemed intelligent and driven and incredibly educated. I learned a little bit about his history – but paragraph descriptions were hardly sufficient. I want to k now more about this man and his rule.

RODIN MUSEUM
I think we went to Rodin on our 3rd day with the Museum Pass. That would have been Friday. The day was beautiful. We spent lots of time in the garden – enjoying the blue skies and the sunshine more than the art. It seemed odd to see so many of sculptures in beautiful garden about people in misery. Sculptures of 5 men and their expressions just before they were hung. It was interesting to see the different expressions of determination or despair on their faces. The Inferno – was one of the major pieces – with individual pieces concentrated on throughout the garden.

I wondered about “The Thinker” – So objective, so withdrawn from scenes of misery. What would you be so calmly thinking about? “The Gates of Hell was based on Divina Commedia (The Divine Comedy) of Dante Alighieri, with each statue representing one of the main characters. The Thinker was originally meant to depict Dante in front of the Gates of Hell, pondering his poem. In the final sculpture, a miniature sits atop the tympanon, pondering the hellish fate of those beneath him. The Thinker was exhibited in its original size (71.5cm) in Copenhagen in 1888.” My other question about “The Gates of Hell” - WHY WERE THERE CHILDREN and BABIES in the sculpture?

The most beautiful piece that I remember is a sculpture of two hands – which Rodin saw as nature’s cathedral. There is another piece of art the caught my attention and I cannot find it in the catalog of pictures. It was a bust of a woman using different mediums, different colors of clay and even newspaper. I was intrigued. If I find it I will include the picture.

2010-01-18T08:07:00.000-08:00

Make ready for the Christ,
Whose smile,
like lightning,
Sets free the song of everlasting glory

Thomas Merton

Thank you Jesus for your smile in Lyla.

2009-12-16T17:26:00.000-08:00

HELL HATH NO FURY LIKE A WOMAN CHEATED!

Last night my husband sat me down to tell me something I did not want to hear. He was worried and needed me to know his concerns.

His whole career - Ron has carefully and sacrificially worked two jobs to make sure that when he retired we would have a livable monthly income. Due to changes in economy - we lost quite a bit in stock - but his retirement and leftover investments make it possible for us to do good enough.....we thought.

Ron has been listening and reading carefully about the government's new health care program that will probably go through. It might be good for those with little income and no insurance. For us it is a disaster. According to government-based estimates on the current health bill's delineations, the health care plan will require one fifth of people's incomes over $40,000. That means one of us will have to work - or we will have to forgo the vacation, education, or ministry plans we have had.

I did not want Ron to spell this out to me because I knew if I REALLY listened I would be mad. I WAS mad, angry, FURIOUS! that after ALL of Ron's hard work so that we could be free during this time of our life to travel and see our grand kids - we will have to keep a tight budget and probably have to work.

I had been studying the same issues. Ron wondered why I had not been more concerned. I told him I counted on the American public - to revolt when they realized how much money the government was going to take out of their income - WITH NO CHOICE! and with a penalty if they choose something different -- EVEN JAIL! I can't believe that Americans who work hard for their income would sit listlessly by while the government experimented with our income. This is a program for which we have to pay taxes for several years before we reap the benefit of ANY health care - I just don't see how Americans would tolerate that.

Most of us feel helpless. Congress is not listening to us and doesn't care what we want or what is important to us. Health care reform is needed - but this is health care suicide! I would like to encourage each of you Americans to listen carefully to both sides and check the facts. If the fury I experienced last night is ANY indicator of the fury Americans will have once they understand what congress has signed us into - I believe the energy needed to stop this insanity will be generated.

I pray for God's mercy and wisdom - and that Americans will see and understand and act before it is too late.

The following confirms the high costs involved:

http://www.heritage.org/Research/HealthCare/bg2350.cfm
http://www.fool.com/investing/general/2009/11/20/whos-paying-for-health-care-reform.aspx
http://www.news-medical.net/news/20091204/CBO-analysis-understates-key-factors-contributing-to-increased-premiums.aspx
http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2009/08/10/business/moneywatch/main5230656.shtml
Meet the Press. December 20, 2009
DEAN: "The Senate bill says you can charge three times as much for somebody who is older than who's younger, now, the House says twice as much. In Vermont, it's 20% more. It's 1.2 times what an 'ordinary' person pays. That's clearly not... there is going to be insurance that's unaffordable. Suppose you make $70,000-80,000 a year, you could end up paying $20,000 for your insurance under the Senate bill. So, there are some big, big problems."

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=385x415619

Liberty Counsel: Next, the Congressional Budget Office admitted that it had miscalculated the cost of the bill, noting that it would cost more and save less than they had previously predicted. On Sunday, the CBO's Director felt compelled to admit that, "The imprecision of these calculations reflects the even greater degree of uncertainty that attends them." http://www.lc.org/index.cfm?PID=14100&PRID=888 http://cboblog.cbo.gov/?p=447

Because details of current health care reform bills are hidden by congress, it is difficult to make accurate estimations. However, it is a consensus that health care reform will be costly - and the most costly for small businesses and seniors.

2009-10-28T13:58:00.000-07:00

GRIEF: "You may have a combination of anger, depression, irritability, frustration, annoyance, or intolerance."

Yes....we got 'em all. Makes for an interesting home life.

At least when we exhibit these qualities - we can laugh about that quote and use it as an excuse for our bad behavior. Of course, we always think that the OTHER ONE is exhibiting most of the negative characteristics. I only "confess" to make Ron feel better ;-)

2009-09-24T20:06:00.000-07:00

I stole the quote below from a blog of a friend's blog of a friend's blog. It seems so perfect. I want to go there...later. However, to be that still...makes me jumpy just thinking about it. Nervous. There is comfort in this jumble I know. I SO feel like Scarlet O'Hara. I want to rest in that place...LATER.

When despair for the world grows in me, and I wake in the night at the least sound in fear of what my life or what my children’s lives might be– I go a lie down by where the wood drake rests in the beauty of the water, and the great heron feeds. I come into the peace of wild things who do not tax their lives with forethought or grief. I come into the presence of still water. And I feel above me the day-blind stars waiting for their light. For a time I rest in the grace of the world, and am free.

- (the great) Wendell Berry

2009-09-22T20:05:00.000-07:00

Keepin the brain ALIVE! with Spanish

The two most effective ways of keeping those neurons in good shape is to learn an instrument or a language. It is moving those neurons enough from short term to long term memory that has my neurons panting.

Julio gives me a kiss.
Julio me da un beso.

This is harder than it looks. Oh English grammar neurons, where are you? You COULD help with my Spanish Grammar. Indirect object, Direct object, Indirect object pronouns (me, te, le, nos, os, les), Direct object pronouns (mi, lo, la, te, les, las,...? )

...help

2009-09-14T13:49:00.001-07:00

MOURNING

is so very odd. The sweet memories come in such unexpected places. A Bible verse in Deuteronomy for Ron today. A song at church for me. This part is not odd. This is the part of mourning that I expected.

What I didn't expect is this place I am in--which is no place at all. I had a wonderful 24 hour camping time with Arcie, and I am exhausted. The exhaustion is odd. A verse in Deuteronomy encourages parents to tell children about God all through the day. I did that with Arcie. In a way she is my spiritual child. She knows so little. I am teaching her little bit by little bit. It was wonderful -- but I am exhausted.

Little things exhaust me. I have an aversion to all kinds of things -- mostly commitments. Cody is exhausting. And yet, Cody keeps us going. There is nothing like a young animal or person that NEEDS you.

I need to be spoiled - to do what I want when I want. And I need to be pushed to do things. So Cody and Spanish class push me. But every once in awhile, like today -- I just sit down and do NOT. Today I am NOT doing anything until I want to. I've spent two lovely hours sorting photos in MY PICTURES. Nonsensical - yet good. Nobody needed me to do this - I just wanted to.

Mourning is odd because mourning touches every facet of my life but is just beyond knowing. "Why am I doing this? thinking this? rebelling against that?" I don't really know. My universe has made a major shift - and the rest of me is trying to catch up.

I used to think of mourning and grieving as being sad. Mourning is mostly quizzical, "How come she is not here?" How can someone who was such an integral part of my life all of a sudden NOT be part of my life?

2009-09-12T20:38:00.001-07:00

I recently finished this book for my granddaughter Gweny. Click on the words at bthe bottom to view larger photo book. Then at the top right, you will see in yellow, "Full Screen". That will give you the biggest picture. Have fun. I did. :-)

Click here to view this photo book larger

2009-09-03T21:40:00.000-07:00

POPSICLES
for my granddaughter

When Gweny comes to visit we make popsicles. Sometimes I cut pieces of watermelon or cantaloupe and put a popsicle stick in it and freeze them. This time we had leftover strawberry and banana smoothie, so we made popsicles. They are always healthy and Gweny lvoes them. They are a snack that isn't very filling - so she can have one whenever she wants. Happy Gweny. Happy Grandma.

POPSICLES
for my dog...er, Ron's dog

We bought a Kong for Cody when he was pretty young. A Kong is a hollow toy to be lined with sticky stuff like peanut butter or honey. Thought it was a great idea, but honestly - in a few minutes Cody had licked out the peanut butter and I couldn't figure what was so wonderful about Kongs? THEN Cody's trainer said she fills them and FREEZES them. Now it takes a LONG time for Cody to finish his popsicle. Keeps him busy.

What do I fill them with? Well, I googled "Kong recipes" - and there are some great ones that basically got me going. They mentioned mixing stuff with canned pumpkin because it is thick and easily flavored. Tonight Cody enjoyed his peanut butter and bacon flavored pumpkin-sicle. YUM! Two days ago I soaked his dry dog food in water until mushy and added oatmeal, yogurt, and a little bacon fat. Both Cody and Phoenix LOVE their treats.

Kong Recipes: http://dogs.thefuntimesguide.com/2006/02/dog_recipes_for_kong_chew_toys.php

2009-08-25T09:02:00.000-07:00

DOUBLE PARKED WITH MY HAIR ON FIRE

Training Cody...but not. Helping Ron get well...but letting him be in charge. Tiptoeing through the minefields of my own inadequacies and the tendency to concentrate on the splinter in someone else's eye. Needing to speak up AND be quiet.

2009-08-16T08:56:00.000-07:00

I love/hate taking photos. When I can't take a walk in a pretty place without a camera I wonder if I am being robbed of the actual experience by moving myself behind the lense. Instead of laughing WITH Gweny I want to catch her laughter. Instead of smelling and enjoying the flower as I walk by - I stop and try to get the perfect angle for a photo.

On the other hand, isn't the photo experience evidence of my love and respect for something beautiful and artistic? Ambivalent. That's OK.

2009-08-10T08:09:00.000-07:00

Today is a big day. We, (mostly Ron) get trained to be Cody's pack leader and continue the service training Cody has been learning since May. Exciting, scary, challenging. Ron's next big step to a dream come true.

2009-06-27T18:36:00.000-07:00

"NO MARILYN!"

Drove to Arroye Grande today to see Cody. He's bigger and redder and was very glad to see us.

All the dogs were in a big pen practicing "Down" "Stay." Their leash was attached to the fence, so they were not going anywhere.

There were a few dogs that were really having trouble with the whole idea. They would whine, or get up, or bark. None of these behaviors was acceptable. There were two dogs in particular that caught our attention: Marilyn and Lola.

Marilyn was the tiniest of all the dogs, probably a toy chihuahua. "MARILYN BE QUIET!" "MARILYN DOWN." "NO! MARILYN"

Lola was a black and white chihuahua of a little bigger stature - but she got the same corrections, "Lola! Be quiet. Lola DOWN. No Lola."

Somehow every time we heard those names, we couldn't help but giggle - especially with "Marilyn".

2009-05-30T13:15:00.001-07:00

I put together this book for Gweny for her birthday in July using shutterfly.com. So much fun!

Click here to view this photo book larger

2009-05-30T12:27:00.000-07:00

This morning I created a photo book for Gweny's birthday titled Gweny's Day with Thomas the Train. The best photo of the family with Thomas has a man standing in front of it with a straw hat. I wished I could take that guy out - because then the photo would be great. I remembered I have Retouch on my photo editing tool and I wondered if....? Using the process (a bit labor intensive) I made that guy disappear. Seriously -- that is the SAME photo.

BEFORE

AFTER

2009-05-23T17:43:00.000-07:00

I picked a bag of berries from my berry bush, and had a dream of berry pie. I trotted [OK drove] to my mom's house with a request. "Here's some berries mom, would you please bake me a pie?"

And she did. The first item baked in her new oven! I am loved.

2009-05-23T11:25:00.000-07:00

"Kids spend more time immersed with electronics than ever before. This is the way life is. But it carries some very serious psychological risks. Even though girls think they're using electronics to connect, when they use a computer, a cell phone, or an iPod, they're really alone. They're not face-to-face with anyone..."

"You might find that after a while your daughter will have difficulty talking with you in a car, room, or restaurant, because being face-to-face is powerful and frightening, and she's too used to the anonymity of electronics." pgs 223-224. Meg Meeker, M.D. in Strong Fathers, Strong Daughters

..."too used to the anonymity of electronics"...This quote gave ME pause. Do I hide? escape? in the anonymity of electronics? Is face-to-face too powerful and frightening? The author labeled these kids as lonely. Everyone is busy. Everyone has these responsibilities and time commitments INCLUDING me. I rather like being alone. Electronics seems to fill the lonely times.

2009-05-18T18:43:00.001-07:00

Full Time Ministry

I wouldn't want to be in full time Christian ministry - because - when do you ever get to just say "Forget it! I'm not being spiritual now." It stops being about following Jesus and starts just being a religious act - and how does one know the difference. "Hi, I'm play acting today." - or, "Today my faith is real."

I think sometimes when your JOB is spiritual in nature - a person says what they say...because that's their job. Too cynical? Maybe I'm talking about myself....like who am I kidding? I often think more highly of myself than I ought -- even when it comes to cynicism.

What do they call it when there is no wind for the sails? The big sailboats would sit in the ocean for days waiting for a wind. Where is the wind?

Of course you COULD ask the question, "So, are you a part time Christian or a full time Christian?" Really. How is part time even possible? Isn't it either or? Isn't a full commitment to Jesus a full time ministry?

2009-05-15T08:38:00.000-07:00

LOST SONGS OF BLESSING FOR OUR NATION

These are songs we sang in our public schools, all the way through the 60's. Little prayers. Songs of blessing and praise to God Almighty. Some of them we sang every day. Our children don't sing them anymore. I don't think we knew what we were doing when we sang them. I don't think we knew what we were doing when we stopped.

GOD BLESS AMERICA
Words and music by Irving Berlin
© Copyright 1938, 1939 by Irving Berlin
© Copyright Renewed 1965, 1966 by Irving Berlin
© Copyright Assigned to the Trustees of the God Bless America Fund
International Copyright Secured. All Rights Reserved.
Used by Permission

"While the storm clouds gather far across the sea,
Let us swear allegiance to a land that's free,
Let us all be grateful for a land so fair,
As we raise our voices in a solemn prayer. "

God Bless America,
Land that I love.
Stand beside her, and guide her
Thru the night with a light from above.
From the mountains, to the prairies,
To the oceans, white with foam
God bless America, My home sweet home.

AMERICA THE BEAUTIFUL
Words by Katharine Lee Bates,
Melody by Samuel Ward

O beautiful for spacious skies,
For amber waves of grain,
For purple mountain majesties
Above the fruited plain!
America! America!
God shed his grace on thee
And crown thy good with brotherhood
From sea to shining sea!

O beautiful for pilgrim feet
Whose stern impassioned stress
A thoroughfare of freedom beat
Across the wilderness!
America! America!
God mend thine every flaw,
Confirm thy soul in self-control,
Thy liberty in law!

O beautiful for patriot dream
That sees beyond the years
Thine alabaster cities gleam
Undimmed by human tears!
America! America!
God shed his grace on thee
And crown thy good with brotherhood
From sea to shining sea!

AMERICA (MY COUNTRY 'TIS OF THEE)
Commonly referred to as America
by Rev. Samuel F. Smith

My country, 'tis of Thee,
Sweet Land of Liberty
Of thee I sing;
Land where my fathers died,
Land of the pilgrims' pride,
From every mountain side
Let Freedom ring.
Our fathers' God to Thee,
Author of Liberty,
To thee we sing,
Long may our land be bright
With Freedom's holy light,
Protect us by thy might
Great God, our King.

Holy and gracious Father, forgive us for we did not know what we were doing when we removed those songs. Renew those songs of blessing in our hearts and mouths today. Let our children once more give you praise for the beautiful land you have given us. Help us once again to value all the blessings you have made possible. God, bless America. In Jesus name, Amen.

2009-05-13T11:48:00.000-07:00

KELSEY

When Kelsey was here - I was never sure what it was she was doing all the time - but I was pretty sure it was spiritual. All kinds of God-activity going on around her all the time.

Now that Kelsey is not here - I am never sure what it is she is doing all the time - but I am pretty sure it is spiritual.

It feels so odd not to be able to kiss her face when I want to. The memory of touch is still clear. Touch is what she and I knew.

Death is so odd. Kelsey is here but she is not. That was true most of her life.

Ron and I sometimes wish for just one or two days with our 2 year old Julie or Andy. There is that same sort of wistful wish with Kelsey. Just a day would be nice.

2009-05-13T11:19:00.000-07:00

ARTISTS

My children are artists. REALLY. Wow! Not only that, they are GOOD. Double wow. How did that happen? It was yesterday wasn't it that Julie was crying because she couldn't draw a space ship? and Andy was throwing down his remote control because the video game was "NO GOOD!"? Writers, graphic artists, musicians, painters, photographers, cuisine artists, worship crafter, web designer,...My kids think they can do anything...and evidently they can! Isn't that awesome?

2009-05-13T11:14:00.000-07:00

AUTOPILOT

Autopilot going. Just like my car is sometimes on autopilot and takes me where it usually goes - even though that is NOT where I am going...My body/mind keeps taking me back to things I did because I needed to be home with Kelsey - even though that is NOT where I am going.

2009-05-13T03:40:00.000-07:00

GRATEFUL AND RELIEVED

My daughter is a lady. My son is a man. When did that happen? And how did they do that without me? For so long they were so dependent on me - couldn't function without me - and now---WOW! they do very well :-) I am so grateful. So full. So relieved to no longer be in charge :-)

2009-05-04T14:11:00.000-07:00

MY GREAT AUNT FAN

BEFORE

AND AFTER

I am having so much fun copying and sorting photos - and I'm learning to retouch photos, ergo the BEFORE and AFTER. This is my great Aunt Fan, one of my grandma's many sisters.

Aunt Fan raised my mom for a year or so. She was fun, imaginative, energetic, and creative. My mom loved being with her. Below is a picture of some of my grandma's sisters. Aunt Fan is on the left. Grandma is in the middle. Aunt Pearl is on the right. Can't you tell these ladies are lots of fun?

In 1958 Mom and Dad took Aunt Fan and the family on a drive. In one day we saw Greenhorn Mountain (and snow), Red Rock Canyon, and Mojave Desert. This is a picture with us standing in front of blooming Joshua trees.

Aunt Fan was my favorite great aunt.

2009-05-03T23:43:00.000-07:00

WOOD NYMPHS IN GRANDMA BURDETTE'S GARDEN:
Miss Annie Burdette and Miss Julie McCraw

2009-04-28T12:01:00.000-07:00

My Grandma Skeen

We went to my grandma's house for dinners and birthdays and family occasions. We picked apricots from her tree, smelled her roses, and jumped in her piles of leaves.

But what I remember her most for - is her meals --her cooking.

She baked and roasted and whipped. Her cooking was not fancy - but wonderful home cooked food. I remember roast beef, turkey, ham, mashed potatoes and gravy, green beans, home made dinner rolls, and german chocolate cake--oh and of course lime jello with pears and a little ball of cream cheese inside the half pear. Her kitchen was her domain. While things were steaming and baking and cooling, we set the table and played. We were told, "Stay OUT of the kitchen!"

Here we are in her covered sun room. Her best friend Aunt Frances is standing beside her. This is where we had our meals for our big family. She had a huge table made that I think seated as many as 16 people. I just remember it being very big. On the side you see a bird cage. Grandma always had a singing yellow canary.

Below is Grandma Skeen holding newborn Julie Ann Burdette - 1950. There is a photo of her holding EVERY baby from the time my sister Lynn was born (1946)

until she held this one in 1984...great granddaughter Julie McCraw

2009-04-26T23:46:00.000-07:00

TWO REALLY NICE GUYS - Our son Andy and our new little guy Cody

2009-04-19T08:09:00.000-07:00

WHY THE GYPSY?

Because! Everybody thinks I am always serious, spiritual, always seeking answers to life, health, etc. This picture is a reminder - that there is another Marti that LOVES to wear costumes, have fun, dance, and be ridiculous. Meet Marti the GYPSY.

2009-04-18T23:39:00.000-07:00

THOMAS THE TRAIN DAY AT FILLMORE

Grandpa gave Gweny "Arthur" which she is showing you with Grandpa

Gweny took face painting VERY seriously. Posing so you could see Thomas the Train on her cheek. And then her James the Train Tatoo!

Beauty is a very serious activity.

Squeezing in to see.....

A Model Train.

All in all - the day was wonderful - interrupted by a few grouchy unhappy times that didn't last very long. Thomas the Train was GREAT! He looked just like any child (or adult) would imagine. Adults might think this day was a bit hoaky. But just look at Gweny's face and see if SHE thought it was hoaky...NOT! (never tried to spell hoaky before...is that right?)

2009-04-18T23:37:00.000-07:00

The qualities of a good photographer is to have your camera handy at opportune moments. I call this one, The Man in the Pan. Really. All I did was throw in some water on a pan.

2009-03-23T14:00:00.000-07:00

CODY: RON'S RETIREMENT PLAN

First well-puppy visit to the doctor.

2009-03-09T23:48:00.000-07:00

The "Neighborhood"

I was going to post pictures, but then decided I better not. Shaved heads, blank studied stares, tattoos, plucked eyebrows, and low blouses. Once in awhile, behind those stares a person would ask, "Could you pray for me?"

Tonight we watched NCIS which is a Navy Crime Investigation show relating to murder-related crimes of armed services people. This story dealt with a street gang and a few soldiers who intersected with violence and death. NCIS walked the "neighborhood" to ask questions. NCIS people were clearly out of their element - IN gang country.

I know that neighborhood. I know those faces. Jesus took me there for three years. I'm finished for awhile - but it AMAZES me that this 60 year old white lady listened to Jesus and walked into the festering world of drugs, wife abuse, fights, shootings, cockroaches, hunger, and bed bugs. Hurting, neglected children -- asked me to pray for their father to get out of jail (and when he does come home, he beats up their mother, or starts dealing drugs and gets re-arrested)

Cesar Milan, The Dog Whisperer, asks his clients (and their dogs) to walk calmly and fearlessly into his pack of 20 dogs. Sometimes these people are trying to overcome fear of dogs from some bad experience in the past. Cesar Milan helps them to be grounded and confident - and off they go into a pack of pit bulls. Somehow Jesus was my Cesar Milan - and he helped me to walk fearlessly into these packs of people and into their hearts. And they walked into mine.

I'm tired now. Depleted from earthquakes and aftershocks in my life. Lord, I am ready for the green pastures and cool water. Restore my soul - so when you are ready to take me out again into the shadows of death I will fear no evil.

How did I know I was safe? and how did I know I was too tired? Thank you Holy Spirit for whispering your wisdom in my ear. Help me always to listen and hear. I serve an amazing God.

2009-03-08T11:26:00.000-07:00

ROAD TRIP

For my daughter Julie.

"There has been no time to grieve. No space. Sometimes I'm barely holding myself together... I need out of the city for a moment. I need an expanse. Perhaps a road trip, and a stop in the middle of the Utah desert." Julie Oldroyd

"I need out of the city for a moment."

"... an expanse."

2009-03-07T08:58:00.000-08:00

WAITING IN JERUSALEM
by Marti McCraw

Doesn’t the whole earth tremble when a person finishes well?
Doesn't the sky open up and receive?
And how do we...
still here...
Absorb the aftershocks and unexpected tsunamis
that go on underneath the seemingly calm waves?
When everything appears fine.
When normal IS.
When life keeps pressing through an opening too small like dough.

I DON”T WANT TO!
Go through these tax forms
Load these moving vans
Read these assignments
Survive this virus
Write these papers

STOP! I want to STOP!
Why doesn’t everyone stop and honor this major shift in the universe?

Instead jostling crowds only push to their self-absorbed destinations.

Haven’t these two walked with us along the road and tapped us on the shoulder?
“Hello Ron”
“Graduated with honors”
“Hand in hand on a grassy knoll”
“Buy a valentine for my sweetheart”

With such a major shift in the universe is it any wonder
That computers broke
Unexpected expenses mounted
Spiders bit
Viruses attacked
Midterms stacked?

Go.
Go to the upper room and wait.
That place where I last
Touched you
Ate with you
Loved you

Go there and wait
Do not leave Jerusalem,
But wait.
The gift is coming
Power.
Anointed presence
that witnesses to the ends of the earth.
Wait for the gift in Jerusalem.

Acts 1, Isaiah 45.

2009-03-04T06:43:00.000-08:00

For me, blogging requires space. The inside world needs to be more expansive than my outside world. Right now my outside world is huge - and my inside world is trying to catch up. So many major shifts in my life right now: My daughter and dad shifted their living quarters to heaven, my H Street ministry is wrapping up, my husband is getting ready to retire, and we will be adding a new puppy to our family soon. Each one of these things requires a shift and myriads of little changes and things to attend to. So, pardon me if blogging doesn't appear here very often.

I am looking for those places where I don't have to do or think, but can just...be and breathe. It feels like I am on a carousel that won't slow down long enough for me to get off. As soon as I figure out how to work the controls, I'm off to the beach or something. :-) Cya!

2009-01-26T06:33:00.000-08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY JULIE!
You are the best, funniest, hardest working, most helpful, sweetest daughter. We love you! Mom and Dad

Here's laughing with you!

"Mother, I can't believe you posted these pictures!"

2009-01-25T09:47:00.000-08:00

MONSTERS

There is supposed to be a picture of a monster on this page. I followed the directions for posting a picture using the URL that was acceptable. Not here.

So...imagine a monster. Green. Big round snarly face. Yellows of the eye with green iris. Frowning snarl. Teeth. Webbed Feet. Ugly.

I am entertaining several of those guys right now. One is named, I Cuda-Shuda-Wuda. I cuda told them I wasn't ready. I shuda told them I wasn't ready. I Wuda told them I wasn't ready....but I wasn't ready.

The other monster is named, I Can Do It Myself with the converse monster, I Can't Do It Myself. These two monsters fight each other all the time - making people stand aside and watch. I'm tired of the fighting. I'm tired of being alone.

There is this slimy lump of a monster that is olive green and looks like he is melting with a lump still in the middle that hasn't melted yet. This monster will rear up sometimes and make himself huge and tall and fiery red. His name is, I Don't Want To. I don't want to....exercise, I don't want to read the Bible, I don't want to do the dishes, I don't want to watch that TV show. I don't want to write Thank You notes. I dont' want to make that call. I don't want to pay that bill. Of course this monster is good friends with the other monsters.

Then there is the Monitor Screen/Keyboard Monster - who begs me to come and use all my time with him alone. I like this monster. This monster is very nice when I am frustrated or lonely or bored. This monster lets me write what I want to write - browse what I want to browse - shop what I want to shop. I love to feed this monster. This monster gets very fat. This monster has a great "escape and forget and spend" factor. Plus - this monster can eat HUGE amounts of time--without me realizing it. The other monsters are big and scary. This monster seems so friendly. I like this monster.

So do you know any good Monster-Fighters? I don't feel much like fighting. Right now I rather enjoy entertaining these monsters.

2009-01-23T08:02:00.000-08:00

OK. I'm ready for the easy part - the free ride - the blue skies - and picnics under the tree.

But...it is winter. Inside and out.

It is waking up to grey skies.

Huddling with blankets and rice packs to keep warm at night.

God must get so tired of his fickle folks.

We sailed on the wings of eagles and prayers saying goodbye to Kelsey.

And now?...not so much.

Remember all those responsibilities?

Remember all that unfinished business with people? with Jesus?

Sigh.

Could somebody plug me in? There is an outage over here.

2009-01-21T16:22:00.000-08:00

Goodbye Kelsey. It has been an honor to be your family.

We love you sweetie. No one was more patient or trusting than you. God bless you. MOM

2008-12-08T09:42:00.000-08:00

READING

I used to be a reader. I think as soon as I could read well enough to read through a book - I did. I particularly remember 6th through 8th grade. I was a voracious reader. Because I loved horses and everything connected with horses - I literally (no pun intended) read EVERY horse book in the preteen section of the library. Having exhausted horses I went to dogs and read EVERY book in THAT section. There weren't many animal books left after that, at least not all together like a series - so I moved my interest to science fiction, Nancy Drew, Sherlock Holmes, to name a few.

I loved reading so much that it seemed logical to become an English Major. I didn't know that by becoming an English Major I made reading a job. Now I was reading because I HAD to. Not good. But after I graduated and got married - I still managed to get engulfed in some good books like the Hobbit and Lord of the Rings, etc.

I am the kind of reader - that if the book catches me - I'm DONE. Nothing else exists until I finish. The whole outside world disappears and the unraveling story and I are locked until I finish and come out of my cave into the open light of real life. As a child I often got into trouble for reading into the night. I didn't care. I took a flashlight with me and read under the covers. I WAS A DETERMINED READER.

The responsibilities of life kept building and pressing itself on me and the new joys of children and play replaced my reading. Reading was no longer practical. No one could afford for me to disappear for two days until my book was finished. And somewhere in the back of my mind was my mother yelling for me to "Put that book down and do the dishes!" (or whatever task it was I was trying to escape through my reading). So, somehow, through the years reading got paired with guilt and dampened by the "work" of being an English Major.

I don't read much any more. I do read lots of books - but only occasionally do they grab me and pin me down for a day or so, partly because I can't find them - and partly because I'm not really looking.

2008-12-07T23:02:00.000-08:00

Make a Smilebox scrapbook

2008-12-07T09:12:00.000-08:00

Do you speak Spanish? ¿Habla usted español? Yo tengo muchas oportunidades para hablar. Yo tengo dos amigas adultas y dos amigas jóvenes que ayúdame. Este semestre decidió no tomar una clase de español. Decidió hablar más con mis amigos. Hay muchas oportunidades para hablar. Por eso estoy agradecido.

2008-12-02T09:14:00.000-08:00

Apology

Sorry about the no blog thing. Right now life is too good to sit and ruminate. Besides, I gotta go walk right NOW! I keep reading/hearing that as you grow older you have to work twice as hard to keep up your muscle mass. And lately I've noticed, "Hey! where is my muscle?" So exercise I must.

Little joke: Last year for Christmas Ron bought us a Wii set. My son recently asked me if I was doing Wii Fit. My answer: "Wii don't have Wii Fit so Wii is not fit." :-)

2008-11-04T21:33:00.001-08:00

Congratulations President Obama.

I pledge, to the best of my ability to respect the office of Presidency and President Obama.
I pledge that whenever I can be supportive, I will be.
I pledge to pray as long and hard for President Obama as I did for President Bush.

I am grateful to our God that I can cast my anxieties on him because he cares for me.
I pray for the hearts and lives of all American citizens to be drawn to God and convicted of their need for Jesus Christ. After Bush, I no longer believe that a president can make the difference in our nation - it is the people of God - who take God seriously or ignore him that will and ARE determining the future of our nation.

I pray that God uses and directs this new enthusiasm for our new President to bring about goodwill and peace - and the rift that has become so strong in the past several years, will be softened.

For so long a people have believed they were not represented. Bless them now as they ARE represented by the highest office in the world. Bless us all Lord with unequaled amounts of wisdom and mercy for each other.

I pray your blessings upon President Obama to bring about peace to the citizens of the United States.

In Jesus name, Amen.

2008-11-03T04:55:00.001-08:00

How I wish I lived in a swing state

Maybe I wouldn't like it - because I imagine they are bombarded mercilessly with phone calls and people knocking on their door imploring them to vote a certain way. But I would know my vote counts. In California - it is an illusion. At least it seems so.

2008-10-24T08:57:00.000-07:00

Letter to a Friend on the Election

Dear _______,

When surrounded by logical well-meaning people - it is easy to be influenced by their thinking. After all, these are people who are intelligent and very nice. Their arguments are convincing.

I was astonished when your dad told me that you were for Obama. Mostly because I have always considered you to be an independent thinker that was willing to stand up against the rest of the crowd. You are the woman who is willing to dance to a different drum.

I am not going to try to convince you to change your mind. For you - that would be like declaring war! :-)

No, rather I would like to challenge you to spend one 24 hour period listening to the other side, reading from the other side - and prayerfully considering their position. (Rush Limbaugh, Glen Beck, Fox News, http://townhall.com, Focus on the Family, etc.)

In addition, I want you to know this. Concerning this or any other election - there is a spiritual perspective as well, and it is this. God's people are in a position before God with great and massive sin. The statistics of our participation in abortion, divorce, abuse, and pornography is NO DIFFERENT than the secular world. IT DOESN'T MATTER WHO GETS THE PRESIDENCY if Christians do not take 2 Chronicles 7:14 VERY SERIOUSLY.

2 Chronicles 7:14 if my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then will I hear from heaven and will forgive their sin and will heal their land.

The point? If Obama wins - and God's people are repentant and turn humbly to God - He will heal our land. If McCain wins - and God's people are repentant and turn humbly to God - He will heal our land.

If we don't. HE WON'T! All the major Christian leaders of our nation and the world see God's judgment weighing heavily over us. Very soon we will be getting what we deserve if God's people don't turn to him and repent.

Am I saying that it doesn't matter who gets the presidency? No. I believe voting for Obama puts our nation at great risk. What I am saying is that without repentance, with Obama - destruction is sooner. with McCain - destruction is postponed. That is all.

God bless you. I am very proud of you for your major in engineering. I know that represents incredible hard work and determination. You go girl!! Marti McCraw

2008-10-10T14:10:00.001-07:00

Cut the cost of butter in 1/2!

I occassionally buy butter with canola oil so it spreads easier. Then it dawned on me that I could mix butter with my OWN canola oil. I've been doing this for a couple of months now - and the butter is delicious (but I do have to add some salt).

For the second tub I blend in a freshly grated garlic clove. Oh my! It is really good on sour dough toast - and SO MUCH EASIER than wrapping it in foil with garlic salt and butter.

All you need is one cube of butter. Let it get to room temperature. Add the 1/2 C oil and blend. I just keep re-using the butter tubs I already had.

2008-10-10T11:00:00.004-07:00

Prayer for 2500 H Street

(Abortion Clinic)

Lord, when you brooded over the earth – and spoke light into the darkness – and separated the water from the land—you had a good and wondrous plan for this piece of land we now call 2500 H Street. Holy Father – we love you – and know that you reign supreme over all. Satan has claimed this land for his kingdom of destruction and death - but Lord, today, in the name of Jesus, we reclaim this land for life and the glory of God. Circle this property Lord, and all the people in it. Establish truth and righteousness on this land.

Holy Father, we consecrate this land to holiness and righteousness. We anoint this land in the name of Father, in the name of the Son, and in the name of the Holy Spirit to belong to the one true God and no one else. Lord we dedicate this property you – the Truth, the Life, and the Light. O Lord, my Lord, how majestic is your name on 2500 H Street. May this building be transformed by you into a house of life. Cleanse this property Oh Lord. Wash it with the blood of your Son Jesus Christ and banish every evil spirit that dwells here. May every curse and hex placed on this building boomerang on its author. Banish Satan and his demons from all abortion in our city and send them where they belong into the lake of fire.

Lord, bring out your plans for this land. Replace the sounds of sobs and tears into sounds of joy and laughter. May it become a place of worship inside and out. Already Lord the circumference of this land has been established as a place of worship. Already Lord your saints have washed the sidewalks with their tears. Honor the prayers of your saints. Honor the words of scripture and love that have already made their home on this land. Pour your blessings on the songs of worship that have been sung celebrating and honoring you as Our Holy Father.

Lord where there has been fear – establish your peace. Where there has been anger – establish your love. We praise your name for the transformation that has already begun on this land. We sing great hallelujahs for the lives that have been saved on this property. I am amazed Holy Father at your amazing love that draws your people to this place as a place of prayer. Thank you for establishing this place as yours. Thank you Lord for bringing your people here and establishing your holy church by their prayers and their presence. Thank you Lord. Your goodness and your power is more than I can comprehend.

In Jesus name, Amen.

2008-10-09T08:58:00.000-07:00

40 DAYS

Forgive me if this message comes from out of the blue. For me it doesn't. I was asked to write the prayers on the blog for the local 40 Days for Life. These 40 days are a time of fasting and praying for our nation and for the victims and perpetrators of abortion - for God to bring an end to abortion in our nation. It is interesting and not a mistake that these 40 days coincide with the 40 Days to Pray the Vote that ends in the election of our new president. God's people are praying for our nation. If you are already praying THANK YOU!. If not, please join us for the next 25 days.

After listening to the news last night - perhaps because of the accumulation of news over the past weeks - it finally became clear to me that these 40 days are critical. Then I remembered the story of Jonah and their response of fasting. I didn't realize until I re-read the passage - that Jonah warned them of 40 days before judgment. Really! Oh my!

Jonah 3:3-5 Jonah obeyed the word of the LORD and went to Nineveh. Now Nineveh was a very important city—a visit required three days. (It takes three days to drive across the United States) 4 On the first day, Jonah started into the city. He proclaimed: "FORTY MORE DAYS and Nineveh will be overturned." 5 The Ninevites believed God. They declared a fast, and all of them, from the greatest to the least, put on sackcloth.

Lord, we are not yet through your 40 days until the election. The Ninevites only needed ONE announcement! Lord God almighty – you have established your 40 day warning throughout the land. You have called your people to 40 days of prayer and fasting through 40 Days For Life and the Presidential Prayer Team’s 40 Days to Pray the Vote. You have sent your Jonahs. They are HERE.

Lord as your judgment wheels continue to roll through our nation. HELP us to hear your warning. We think a mere 5 minute prayer in the morning will assuage your wrath? We think one or two days of fasting will stop your judgement?

Lord let the terror of your truth descend upon your holy ones and bring them in desperate remorse to your heavenly throne. Give them voice and let their message be heard throughout the land. Let us respond as Ninevah Lord. “The Ninevites believed God. They declared a fast, and all of them, from the greatest to the least, put on sackcloth.”

Too long we have believed - you will give America another chance. Too long we have depended on you to extend your grace one more year. Too long have we grown comfortable with the detestable practices around us.

Finally, Lord, the warning signs are noticed even by the ungodly. Finally, Lord there is a sense of impending doom for the godly and the ungodly. Don’t let up until your holy ones are on their knees calling out to you for the Spirit of Repentance to fall on our nations. Don’t let up until WE BELIEVE YOU and declare a fast from the greatest to the least. It isn’t a game anymore – we can’t pretend anymore that things are OK.

Jesus, Son of God, have mercy on us!

2008-10-03T16:21:00.000-07:00

Over enthusiastic beginnings

Fall is my new year. It is when things start over gain. Maybe it is a layover from my school days. Maybe it is because my husband is a high school teacher for 30 years. But mostly, I think it is because summer is a time to take a break from schedules and deadlines and events - and just bar-b-que, or swim, or go to the mountains, or sit in your back ground and watch the trees grow. Beautiful. Evenings last forever. Dinners start later. Summer is more laid back

But FALL. Now it is time to schedule new things, make new commitments, reconstruct those dreams and get moving! I love it! The sky is the limit. I can do anything!...until October....and then NOVEMBER...and Oh my gosh DECEMBER! Which makes me eager for a little pull away in January. A little MORE pull away in February - a retreat in March - A frenetic April and May (finishing all those deadlines, dreams, and events that I committed to) and finally SUMMER! An excuse to set all those terribly demanding items in my life down and concentrate on blue skies, swimming pools and barbecues.

Mind you that woven throughout all of these laid back and frenetic days - is woven all the regular every day stuff that must be attended; grocery shopping, bills, taxes, birthday and xmas shopping, etc.

Well - I think I have been overenthusiastic this fall. I have led with my heart and over-committed and now I want out! I even had a dream about a guy that was so obsessed with his work that he had to take a one week vacation and let someone else take over. That would be ME. Why is it that perfectionism is often paired with procrastination? Isn't that a mean trick?

So now I am asking God to show me how to cut back, shorten up, crop, and simplify. "My burden is light, my yoke is easy." So what the heck am I doing with this huge unwieldly yoke on my shoulders? I'm taking this thing off for awhile so I can walk with Jesus and let him show me how to do it. Wish me luck!

2008-09-26T07:05:00.000-07:00

Vacuum Cleaner In My Day

Yesterday in my devotional I was encouraged to lay out my schedule and ask God, "Do you want me to make any changes? Is there anything I need to be aware of?" And along with the scripture I was reading - that if I love Jesus I will obey him--we wrote together a list of items for the day for which I would seek to be obedient.

This morning I looked over my list - and everything I had circled and desired to accomplish had been accomplished.

I practiced obedience when I went grocery shopping (I didn't want to). I practiced obedience when I took good care of Kelsey (she is woven into my day). I practiced obedience when I brought out the vacuum cleaner to take to the apartment which badly needed vacuumed. I set it behind the car to put it in as soon as I got a few other things, realized I was late, hurried and got my stuff....and yes, you guessed it, I drove over the vacuum cleaner. I heard a little thump and thought maybe all would be well. I got out to check. All was not well. I picked up my broken vacuum cleaner like a limp baby and put it in the back and wondered, "God? Got any help for me here?"

When stuff like this happens - because it is ministry related (I was on my way to the Bible Study at the apartment with 3 apartment women) I understand spiritual warfare is in play. Then I get excited because I know God is about to do something important. Satan always gets anxious when he is going to lose ground.

But I thought maybe I was being a little presumptuous about this - and started asking God if there was more. Yes, there was more. IF I had looked at the little screen on my Prius which HAS A CAMERA ON WHEN I AM BACKING UP - I would have SEEN the vacuum cleaner. If I hadn't been in a hurry - and had LOOKED at the screen which I had paid for - my vacuum cleaner would still be alive. Little lesson: God has provided everything I need - but I need to slow down, look, and listen.

So, on the way to the Bible Study I considered my ways and tried not to lean on my own understanding. That means being remorseful but not beating myself up. I prayed the repair would not be expensive - and went on my way to a Bible Study for which no one showed.

That's OK. I spent the hour with Jesus and then drove to the vacuum cleaner place where we had purchased my vacuum cleaner. He looked up the warranty (we had bought it from him) and it had a 7 year warranty and the replacement and repair WOULD BE COVERED! Not only that, but he showed me how to put the cloth bag inside out and wash it in the washing machine. So at the end of the day--I would have a vacuum cleaner nicer than the one I brought in.

So, was this the work of the devil? Maybe. Was it the work of God? Absolutely. What an incredible God I have who weaves every incident into my life with love and care. God help me to notice and be grateful.

PS: That night we went out to dinner with a couple from the apartment - and may have had a huge spiritual breakthrough with both of them. Satan loses more territory. Go JESUS! :-)

2008-09-19T08:44:00.001-07:00

SCIENCE MY EYE!

Just read three articles in Discover Magazine [online] on presidentially related topics. This is supposed to be a science magazine - but all the articles clearly lean toward and support the Obama side of things. REALLY! in a science magazine? Isn't science supposed to be objective?

Check it out for yourselves: http://blogs.discovermagazine.com

2008-08-27T07:35:00.000-07:00

REMINDERS, FORWARDS, AND NEWSLETTERS

FROM:
savecalifornia.com
Dr Mercola
The Presidential Prayer
Dictionary.com Spanish
Southwest Airlines
Yahoo! Reminder
Oriental Trading Company

Now this is NOT to disparage the forwards I get - or even some of the newsletters I subscribe to. It's just....when I open up the list of emails - there is always a hope in me...."Did I get some real mail? My eyes search down the list and..."there one is! A FRIEND!" and I get to read a message or a response.

And then there are the times I open up my server and click on the INBOX and there's nothing but reminders, forwards, and newsletters. That's OK I tell myself, but that doesn't take away the slight disappointment.

Just want you to know - that when I get an email from you - it gives a spark to my day and a smile on my face. It is always good to hear from my family or a friend. How are you anyway? :-)

2008-08-21T14:22:00.000-07:00

SUMMER REVIEW:

Summer was: Seeing my family - son Andy and Lyndsey and granddaughter Gwen, daughter Julie and Sean from Colorado - and my sister Julie from Seattle to help with Dad who was having issues with his assisted care facility. In the in-between time I was wonderfully involved in my H Street ministries - having all kinds of fun with kids - and sharing God's love with them. Other than that...

Oh, Gwen had her second birthday and I made her a book from kodakgallery.com which turned out really cute. I LOVE being a grandma! Gwenevere Scout is so much fun! I got to take care of her two times this summer while mom and dad were on vacation for the weekend. Come December Lyla Starr will be added to the family and Gweny will have a little sister :-)

Ron and I are incredibly fortunate to have such a wonderful daughter-in-law and son-in-law. They and their families fit so nicely and are such a great addition. I always wanted a big family. Now I have 5 kids.

My summer and my life always includes my angel daughter Kelsey. Patient, sweet, and responsive. She is woven into the rhythm of my life. Feeding, bathing, talking, praying, changing. Kelsey is my bright light. Her constant presence and patience is always a reminder of God's incredible patience with me.

Ron taught summer school for his last time this year. Summer for us is projects, eating out, visiting friends and family, and Ron has been reading LOTS of mystery novels and watching LOTS of baseball. His biggest project for the past year or so has been getting well. He keeps making progress. I help when I can, but have started getting out of the way to let him do this his own way. He has found several professionals that have been very helpful. I pray and nag once in awhile and am starting to get back the capable, energetic husband that is so much fun.

So now we are back into the new school year. Starting the school year is MUCH MORE a new year for me than January. Things really do start fresh in the fall - classes, schedules, appointments, all getting back into a routine of getting things done instead of a semi-vacation mode during the summer.

Last semester I took Spanish 1AB at Bakersfield College, and I plan to audit 1B this semester as review. I loved it and got the best grade in the class (brag, brag) but I really need the review before I go into second year. I have lots of opportunity to use my Spanish - so I am gradually building in my ability.

Think that's all for now. Just letting you know I AM still alive.

2008-08-21T13:55:00.000-07:00

H Street Ministries - Chapter One

You really don't know much about me if you don't know about my relatively new family. Almost 2 years ago, God invited me to see what he was doing in an apartment complex on H Street. I knew one person who lived there, because she used to be part of a women's home with Tehillah Ministries.

A women's home is available to women on a volunteer or court-ordered basis to help them get off drugs and get their life straight. To become part of this women's home, a person must decide to accept Christ into their lives. Ruth did - and she was very excited about her new life in Christ. As a part of the women's home, my friend (I'll say her name is Ruth) came to my house almost every week to help me clean. I am not naturally motivated to clean--so having somebody come over just for that purpose really helps get me going. Ruth (not her real name) and I got along really great. She was a good hard worker and we had lots of conversation and prayer together.

In rehabilitation, a person's life is very structured. Everybody gets up early in the morning, does chores, goes to Bible Study, works, goes to church etc. (That is if the rehab is faith-based). After one year, Ruth graduated with flying colors. Her mom had been taking care of her 5 children during that time - and left to go back to LA as soon as Ruth came home to the apartment. Ruth came home to 5 children, no job, no car, and the very same environment where she had previously been on drugs. NOT GOOD.

After two months, I looked her up because the other house-cleaning situation was not working out. Ruth and I had a friendship and a good rhythm together. I needed her. Ruth was not doing well. She was utterly overwhelmed with no structure, no job, no car, and 5 children. She managed to limp along with the children's needs, but mostly she slept to avoid getting back into drugs.

I started picking her up to come and clean my house--but 50% of the time she wouldn't make it. She was sick, or too tired, or had a toothache, or........... I prayed and did not give up. In my visits, I got to know her children - 5 pretty sweet kids living in chaos (I will use that word a lot).

At church I was leading a Wednesday night group on prayer. What we did was pray--different kinds of prayer; contemplative, warfare, sidewalk prayer (praying as you walk different areas). We were having quite an experience together with God. Our last class - we went to the apartment complex on H Street and knocked on doors to pray for anyone who wanted prayer. Several people wanted prayer - and the kids flocked around us to be prayed for. I got kind of an idea what it might have been like to have Jesus, and have kids surrounding you.

I started to go on my own to the apartment complex just to pray and read scripture. I would find a chair in the courtyard and sit against a wall and pray and read scripture. Isaiah 28 came up over and over as scripture God lead to me. Victor Matthew's warfare prayer inspired me to pray over this apartment and the people living there.

2008-06-28T10:22:00.000-07:00

AMBITIOUS

Julie and I were in the backyard and I casually mentioned that someday I would like a patio under the citrus trees in my backyard. Julie looks over the area and tells me, "We can do it."

"Yeah, right! Jules, we need strong guys to move dirt and make it level - and I'm thinking maybe even a professional."

"We can do it Mom."

Well, it seemed pretty near impossible to me and so Julie gave up.

A few moments later, "Julie, do you REALLY think we can do it?"

"Yes, Mom, but you don't really want it right now and so that is OK."

"Oh no, I really want it. Do you really think we can do it?"

"We can do it."

"OK Julie, then let's do it. If you think we can do it - let's go for it!"

And so we did. Amazingly ambitious.......BUT WE DID IT!

BEFORE

Julie shoveled dirt and filled in low spots while I raked it level. Many trips to Home Depot to get sand, imitation flagstone pavers, bark, and planting soil.

We poured on the sand and worked to level it with a couple of long boards and when it was pretty level, we started adding the pavers.

After the pavers we filled in the cracks with planting soil and spread the bark around the edges. BEAUTIFUL!

We moved our yard furniture over to the new patio - and voila! When it gets a little cooler, we will plant baby tears between the pavers.

AFTER

I couldn't believe it. We did it in two afternoons. Wow! Thank you Julie! One of my dreams come true with not much money and not nearly as much work as I thought. What a wonderful gift.

PS: If you already read COMFORTABLE, go back because I added SWIMMING, READING, AND PIES.

2008-06-25T13:06:00.000-07:00

Comfortable

I love my daughter Julie and I am grateful to her for such a comfortable and relaxing vacation.

We are comfortable with each other. Even comfortable with discomfort. We are careful – because we want to be respectful of each other and our different points of view – but we are comfortable with that too – because the tension that comes from different points of view is understood and accepted. Julie and I both have strong opinions about things – so it is important that we give each other wiggle room. She does – and I hope I do too.

This zone of comfort includes Sean (who joined us for 4 days) as well – and perhaps more so because he does not have the angst that children and parents have cultivated and also I think because...everyone is comfortable with Sean :-)

All this leads to an incredibly relaxing vacation time together. Nobody needs to entertain or be entertained. The venue of the day has more to do with what somebody, anybody really wants to do – or not do.

For the last two years, Julie and I may have started a tradition by starting off her vacation in California with three days at the beach…her favorite beach, Carpinteria. It is home to our family. It is the beach where we spent the most vacations and even day trips while our kids were growing up. This year we invited my mom to join us. We had a lovely, relaxing, sometimes even sleepy time together. The weather was perfect.

Mom and I picked up Julie from LAX and stopped at The Warehouse in Marina Del Rey for lunch. We were all pretty hungry - the food was great and the place was beautiful.

We checked in at Best Western Hotel in Carpinteria - and trekked immediately to the beach to catch the rest of the day's sun.

Ah-h...beautiful warm California sun.

I have never enjoyed laying in the sun for very long. The beach always inspires something artistic in me; and this time I started by collecting driftwood of various shapes and sizes. That, and a comment from Julie that one stick looked like a bird, and I was off--creating as I go. I loved it - and Julie loved soaking the sun, and mom loved taking a nap and reading. Very comfortable.

The next morning - Mom remembered a trail along the beach somewhere on the south end of Carpinteria. We searched (with some doubt whether this trail was worth it) and found it. It was a winner! Beautiful walk together in the morning and lots of discoveries :-)

Below is quite a group of seals, sea gulls, and other bird life.

I love the pictures Julie took on our walk of the succulent and the railroad tracks.

More to come later. :-)

Swimming, Reading, and Pies We picked up Sean from LAX after our beach trip. Our visit with Sean was accented by pies. It WAS vacation - and we wanted pies. Two double cream lemon pies (our favorite), one razzleberry pie, and one german chocolate pie (not our favorite). This is a picture of Sean. He was sent in to Marie Callendars to buy the last two pies. He actually wasn't too happy about the picture - but he obliged. (Thanks Sean)

We spent lots of time at the pool - lounging, swimming, reading. Mostly we were the only ones at this huge pool - and a bit annoyed when anyone else would come to swim. We had come to believe it was OUR pool.

This is either a very sad conversation - or two very tired and relaxed guys. It is the latter. Notice they both have books that they had been reading.

Gorgeous California girl. OK, Colorado girl from California.

See! I told you we had the whole pool to ourselves!

Can you guess whose legs?

Too soon we had to take Sean back to LAX - but we got to stop in Manhattan Beach and eat dinner with Andy, Lyndsey, and Gwen Scout. This is Gwen outside the coffee shop showing us her foot?

Bye Sean, we wish you could have stayed longer :-(

2008-06-25T09:11:00.000-07:00

Like Julie, I have delayed posting anything yet in June which includes a wonderful 11 day visit with Julie. Sean got to come and share 4 of those days. Right now I want to share with you Julie's recent blog about Lyndsey, Andy, and Gwen Scout visiting Julie and Sean in Colorado.

I am so thrilled for my grown children to enjoy each other's company and OF COURSE Gweny. So enjoy with me Julie's blog on Andy and Lyndsey's vacation to Julie and Sean's in Colorado:

http://discoveringmonsters.blogspot.com/

2008-05-19T18:52:00.000-07:00

An "E" Ticket weekend with Gwen Scout

Disneyland used to give you a packet of tickets when you paid at the entrance. There were "A" tickets, "B" tickets on up to "E" tickets. The "E" tickets were the best rides - like The Matterhorn. You were always sorry to run out of "E" tickets. This blog is about our 4 day weekend with our granddaughter Gwen Scout - an "E" Ticket weekend for sure!

Hi Mommy and Daddy! Do you want to know what I did at Gamma and Gampa's house? OK I'll tell you. Gamma had a swimming pool outside and I got to hold the hose and help fill the pool with water. This is me doing my water dance. See how I put out my leg just so?

Gamma gave me LOTS of watermelon popsicles that Gamma made from real watermelon. They are yummy!

I also ate strawberries.

Gamma and I picked berries and ornies. The berries were yummy too. It was fun to ride in the wagon with Gamma to the ornie trees.

We made a train in the kitchen. I put Elmo in the front. It was fun to make a train. And see...I'm eating more watermelon popsicle!

Mommy, did you know Gampa has a race car like Lightning McQueen? He DOES! and I always like to drive the race car. Gampa stayed out with me and gave me popcorn while I drove his car.

On Saturday Gamma dried the pool and brought it into the house and poured a bag of balls into the pool. Oh Mommy! I had so much fun running and kicking and rolling in those balls. I laughed and I squealed. It was REALLY fun. You can watch me on the video below.

On Sunday after my nap, Gamma and Gampa drove to Great Aunt Kim's house. I went outside and played in the water with Aubrey and I saw a real turtle. I got to touch it too! That's their dog Mary standing by me. (and I am eating another watermelon popsicle!)
Then we went inside to play. Aubrey had two dolls and let me play with one of them.

We also had good food at Aunt Kim's house. I ate a hot dog and corn on the cob.

At Gamma's house I played outside with Gamma a lot. See Daddy, I put the walrus and the bird in the boat.

Daddy, Gamma showed me your doctor kit and I was the doctor for my baby. I checked her eyes....and her ears....and her mouth. I also listened to her heart. My baby was good. Good eyes. Good ears. Good mouth. Good heart.

Well, I think I will go back outside to play in the pool. By Mommy and Daddy! I'll see you soon. I love you!

Gwen Scout

2008-05-14T07:43:00.000-07:00

NEWS ALERT!

This may be a great disappointment to many of you. It was definitely a shock to me. My husband has informed me that I am not the center of the universe.

2008-04-22T02:38:00.000-07:00

ARNIES!

Did you know Grandma has arnie trees? I got to pick arnies from the tree. Grandma showed me how to peel an arnie.

Then I ate it!

Um-m-m-m! So juicy!

Thank you Grandma!

2008-04-22T02:28:00.000-07:00

Medical Internship. Eat your heart out Uncle Sean!

2008-04-22T02:07:00.000-07:00

SATURDAY MORNING MOONIES!

Saturday morning when I got hungry, Grandma and I made moonies [smoothies]. Grandma let me put in the blueberries, the raspberries, and the strawberries. Then I got to watch grandma buzz it all up.

Look Mommie, this is what we made!

Grandma and I are drinking our moonies.
M-m-m-m Moonies are good!

2008-04-22T01:38:00.000-07:00

Friday with Grandma and Grandpa

Hi Mommy!

Grandma wanted me to tell you about my day and I said OK.

About 1 a.m. in the morning I kind of woke up and tried to go back to sleep singing my sleepy song--but eventually I opened my eyes enough to realize--"Hey! I don't know where I am!" Then, forget the sleepy song, I want my Daddy!

Guess what! Grandma was right there and said "Hi Gweny!" and she picked me up and showed me I was at her house. That was OK with me, but where was Daddy? She walked me down the hall and said Daddy was asleep in that room. Yeah. That was OK.

Grandma took me in the living room and guess who was sitting on the couch smiling at me? GRANDPA! He said real soft, "Hi Gweny." And I was happy to see him. Then I saw lots of toys and I wanted to play. Boy mom, you should have seen all the toys. I got to open a present of Eddie and Sarah Lynn dolls. "E-d-d-i-e!" I like my Eddie. Grandma and I stayed up and played a long time. Grandma got tired and laid down on the couch. Funny Grandma! She said all my toys were getting tired and so I needed to go to bed too. I guess that was OK. I got a drink of juice and went to bed with my Night-Night.

In the morning I woke up a little grouchy--but not too much. Grandpa and Grandma were up and Grandpa was getting ready to go to work. Daddy was up too.

Feeding Elmo
Mommy! Guess what! I saw ELMO--and he danced and sang me a song and everything. He came ALIVE! I was so excited and happy. He sang to me alot today. Grandma showed me how to squeeze his hand and make him sing. I like Elmo...a lot.

After breakfast we went to see where Grandpa works. All these people came up to me and smiled. I didn't like it. I never saw them before--but one lady had a box of Sponge Bob toys....LOTS OF 'EM! Didn't matter I didn't know her--forget her....look at these TOYS! She let me wear her Sponge Bob backpack. I showed Daddy. We thought the backpack was pretty cool.

We went home, I ate lunch, and Daddy put me down for a nap. I kind of didn't want to...but Daddy helped me...and then I got REALLY sleepy and slept a LONG time.

We did lots of things when I woke up. I helped Daddy wash the car. I rode with Daddy in the wagon--Grandma pulled us BOTH. She is really strong. I put Elmo in the wagon and pulled him. I don't quite get the wagon thing--because I don't like to walk backwards--so I pushed the handle on the wagon which made it move in circles. Weird.

Grandma showed me a mother bird who was sitting on her nest. Guess where she built her nest? IN A FLOWER POT on a shelf outside. Grandma told me to be real quiet. We looked at the bird. She looked at us. She wasn't even scared.

I got to help Grandma cook dinner. She let me help close the door on the microwave and push the button. She let me stir the food in the pan. It's OK Mom, I was real careful because Grandma told me it was hot. I got to help her take the peeling off the onion, and I helped Daddy set the table. I like to help.

After dinner, Daddy and Grandpa went to hear music. Grandma and I went outside and said goodby. I forgot to tell you that two ladies came over and talked with everybody and ate dinner with us. Grandma said her name was Grandma--but that couldn't be right. And the other lady was named Julie, but that couldn't be right either because she was not my Aunt Julie. I was confused so I just ignored them.

Daddy talked to Grandma about a bath and Night Night. I didn't like that word bath. I didn't want a bath. Grandma was nice to me and we put all my toy friends in the bath. I didn't mind if THEY went in the water--but I didn't want to. Grandma tried getting in the bath with me--but I kept one leg in the air reaching to get out of the bathtub. She washed me quick and talked nice--but it didn't help until I knew the bath was over. Whew! I thought I was going to die.

I showed Grandma my pretty silky pajamas. She thought they were very pretty. I wanted to wear them. I played with Elmo--but then she said Elmo had to be quiet and go to bed. After she said that Elmo couldn't sing anymore. She read me some stories and then let me pick some toy friends to go to bed with me. I picked Eddie and the clown and some cars. Grandma has this light that changes colors right by my bed. I played a little and then went to sleep.

I love you Mommy. Grandma told Grandpa and Daddy that you and Daddy are a wonderful Mommy and Daddy. I knew that, but how does Grandma know?

I love you Mommy. XOXOXO! Gweny

2008-04-04T19:14:00.000-07:00

POSTING for those who complain.

My sister shamed me for not putting up any posts of my granddaughter. It has been so long since I posted--that she even took me off her list of links from her blog. Now I DO feel bad. But the lack of posting reflects how incredibly sick and then busy I have been. I am a student at Bakersfield College taking a 5 unit class in Spanish--combining both semesters in one. I am starting a new ministry--well actually I started it a year ago--but took a new leap into renting an apartment for a ministry base. I have lots to learn, but I am LOVING it. Besides that, I don't get to see my little granddaughter NEARLY enough--but I am going to post some pictures so my sister will stop complaining. (Hers and my niece-in-law's blogs are FILLED with granddaughter pictures--so I can't really compete--but here some of them are:

Gwen Scout McCraw, say HELLO!

So THERE!

2008-01-14T12:01:00.000-08:00

Significant Nothing Day

This is my significant nothing day--which might get interrupted by something--and that could mess it all up, because then I will need another nothing day.

Today I watched Lady in the Water two times because...I wanted to. Because it reminds me of Kelsey and who she is, and who I am, and who all those around her are.

But I did not take a shower, did not clean up the living room, did not exercise yet--I let this anxiety in myself build up--this "ought to" anxiety--and ignored it. Because I know it isn't always real--and that if I always answer my ought to's the real me gets lost somewhere, and the "ought to's" loom larger and become more demanding.

So I ignore my ought to's for a day and enjoy whatever I want--and waste time extravagantly. My husband comes home to the very same mess he left that morning--and sometimes I even whine that I got nothing done all day. But I am learning to be proud of my nothing days, just like I am proud of my something days.

There are bills, and errands, and phone calls....but not right now. I used to reprimand myself for such selfish indulgence--until I realized after years and years--that soon following my nothing days--I got all kinds of stuff done--and unusually fast or with unusual patience. I am pretty sure my nothing days make my something days possible.

2007-12-25T09:14:00.001-08:00

Christmas Day

My daughter just called me at 7:15 a.m. on Christmas morning--so that I wouldn't miss those early morning wake-ups when she and Andy couldn't wait any longer to see what Santa had brought.

She nudged old memories of late night Christmas Eves, coming home very late from a full Christmas Eve at the Burdettes, church, and McCraws--kids would go to bed excited from opening presents at their grandparents houses, and anticipating Santa's magical visit.

Santa Claus did not get to bed. Santa Claus and Mrs. Claus stayed up until the wee hours of the night bringing out the toys--arranging them, putting them together, and admiring the whole effect. Sometime around 2:00 a.m. I think, they would stumble to bed--only to be pounced on a few hours later by enthusiastic Andy and Julie begging them to get up so they could go see the magic of Santa's gift giving.

Thank you Julie for waking me up......again! ;-)

2007-10-17T08:31:00.000-07:00

THANKSGIVING

Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday. I have memories like Bob at Grandma Skeen's house. Playing outside in the leaves, climbing the apricot tree in the back, and playing and talking inside while we could smell delicious smells coming from the kitchen. Cooking was clearly Grandma Skeen's domain. I don't remember much more than a Thanksgiving prayer and lots of good food. I don't remember much Thanksgiving conversation at Grandma's. Did we?

Then we graduated to Mom's house on Carr street. Lots of food and pies. Mom always doing more than her share. Sharing the Thanksgiving Story and personal Thank You's. Babies and kids everywhere and lots of sweet chaos.

As our extended family boomed--the McCraws pulled away for one peaceful holiday a year with our own family. We had such good times together, making placemats, taking silly photos. Everyone got to make something for the dinner (except Ron who never cooks). Andy was always in charge of slicing the turkey. Between Julie and Andy--they made the green bean casserole, the yams with marshmallows, and the frozen cranberry salad. Sitting down at the table--we all took turns sharing for what we were most grateful. I remember Kelsey always loved Thanksgiving--and loved the mashed potatoes and turkey and gravy. It was a special treat for her too. Usually we traveled to Grandma's house for dessert and to see the rest of the family.

Now our kids are adults--and farther away--and we needed to pull back into our extended family again. Thanksgiving with two or three of us is kind of empty. So we have joined the Burdette Clan again. It is getting more and more important for me to connect with siblings and nieces and nephews--because the importance of family is taking on a new perspective for me. There is some kind of thrill and comfort in hearing from Jacob, and Annie, and Wendi, etc. There is some renewed sense of joy when I get to hug Peter and meet his sweet wife Tracie. Traveling to see my sister Julie with Mom was wonderful--and satisfied some deep need in me to connect, and laugh, and talk, with my family.

I LOVE MY FAMILY! I love you guys,

Love,

Daughter, Sister, Aunt, Mom, Grandma Marti ;-)

PS: Mentioning all 17 cousins and families would have been laborious--so I hope you all gave me some slack. The love is there too.

2007-07-23T19:28:00.000-07:00

Colorado

On July 18 2007 we started our trip with Kelsey in our new Toyota Prius to Colorado to see Julie and Sean.
Thursday July 19: We pulled into Julie's driveway around 7:30 or 8:00 p.m.

THIS IS WHY THEY CALL IT BOULDER, COLORADO!

In front of Julie and Sean's door as we walk in the doorway...IS A HUGE BOULDER!

Evidently that is how the city got its name. You never know when a boulder might fall in your path. This mammoth boulder broke off and fell on Julie and Sean's doorstep from here:

It is so good to see Julie and Sean! Ron had never seen their home--and Julie has decorated beautifully! It is homey, pretty, spacious, and comfy. I didn't focus on taking pictures that show you how pretty it is, but I DID take pictures to show you how pretty it is OUTSIDE. They live on acreage--LOTS of acreage with cattle and horses. One of the first mornings I was there I got up early and went on a walk with Kenna. Since she deserted me, why don't you come with me on my morning walk. It is absolutely beautiful!

Out the doorway...

Through the front entry....

Up the walkway....

Into THIS!

What a beautiful morning for a walk!

Home from our walk to see Julie and Amos.

Grocery shopping at Safeway with Ron--who terrorized us with his motorized chair.
Dinner at Julie and Sean's with Janice and Clark.
Barbecued Bratz, corn on the cob, dinner salad, and chocolate covered strawberries and blueberries for dessert.

Went to Shakespeare play, Julius Caesar and rode with Clark and Janice in Bugsy touring UC Colorado campus.

Sunday July 22: Harry Potter with Janice Oldroyd in the afternoon.

Italian restaurant for dinner at Raddo's near where Sean had been studying.

Leftovers.

Watching "Finding Neverland" in the evening

Monday July 23:

Julie and I shop. Kenna shows off her new booties so she can walk in the snow and hot pavement with comfort.

Ah-h-h...perfect fit.

Rockies game: This was DEFINITELY a highlight for Ron. Beautiful stadium and GREAT game against the Padres. A close one that the Rockies brought in at the end. Ron became a new Rockies fan...(after the Dodgers of course).

Sean Ron and Julie with their happy faces.

I spend a quiet evening home with Kelsey--writing about our trip on my blog.

Chilling out watching TV
(I think it is a baseball game)

Reading is what you do here.

...and here

or homework between turns playing 3-13.

During the game, Julie laughing at something ridiculous
that MOM said....and Julie couldn't stop. Something
about fermented beans.... (you had to be there).

Dinner at Steuben's, a Sixty's Diner

Delicious comfort food: fried chicken with mashed potatoes, meatloaf with veggies. Great place!

Driving home: ANOTHER great sunset!

Crazy in the car time…blaugh#@

And then, our last dinner out
before we leave...at Chataqua's
a famous historical dining hall.

The Chautauqua Dining Hall was built in 1898 and is part of a National Historic Landmark in Boulder.

We never can remember to take the picture of our food until we have eaten it. Hot Fudge Brownie was delicioius. As you can see we shared :-)

Time to go back to California.

This is Julie’s invention for her dad since there was no railing for him to hold onto. This is her version of a portable railing. Pretty clever, and worked GREAT

Bye Kenna.

Bye Amos

Bye Sean…where’s a picture of Julie?

Packing last items.

Are you ready Kelsey?

Off we go--through beautiful Colorado, Utah, Nevada, and home.

All in all, a wonderful trip and a GREAT visit!

2007-07-05T09:57:00.000-07:00

Ebay--"Oh my!"

So Gwen Scout visited and LOVED playing the little Discovery House. Since I was hoping to keep it here--and yet it is perfect for her now--I surfed eBay to see if they had one. THEY DID! I ordered it! It's being shipped to their house!.......and then I looked a little more carefully, and they have no little people. WHAT? no little people?!! Isn't that the whole point?

Then I start looking for BIG little people. I find some--I bid. I have 45 minutes until it closes--and so I think, what the heck I'll look for other stuff on eBay. I get absorbed. I find other stuff I REALLY want for my grandkids....and I lose the bid! Yikes! I REALLY wanted those little people.

Then I find a new feature in eBay called BidAssist--which is cool, because they will keep bidding for you even if you are gone. Maybe I wouldn't have lost the other bid because I could put a maximum bid that I was willing to pay.

I looked at some other things I had on my watch list--set them up for bid assist--and now I am waiting for two to six days to find out if I win or not.

This really is a lot like gambling isn't it? I just got through telling Ron we needed to cool it on purchases. Think I better stay away from eBay for awhile.

2007-07-04T15:37:00.000-07:00

GRANDMA THOUGHTS and PICTURES AFTER A WONDERFUL VISIT:

The umbrella lays on its side in the wagon. We got out the umbrella to shade the little pool where Gwen played in the sun with protection #55 for a little body already brown from the sun. Every activity was mostly wreathed in smiles that dance in her eyes as effectively as any smile with her mouth.

A tumble let us know it was too soon for the wagon--but it was hard to gauge. She walks like a trooper at only 11 months old, and manages the balancing act of stepping up over a hose, or stepping quickly off the hot cement. One minute sitting in a squat-like position, the next minute standing and taking steps! What miracles had to happen for walking like this to occur? Just a few months ago she was helpless--not even able to roll over--and now she is walking and talking.

The Fisher Price house is still out where she discovered putting things into a fixed shape or down a tunnel. It was tough at first--but I could see her brain and hands working together to get it. Such incredible determination. Lord revive that determination in me!

Only two forbidden places that posed some danger. Our fireplace was just high enough to climb and dangerous enough to injure if she fell. I forget--How do you set those limits again? and how firm or soft are you supposed to be? I could be fierce in my "No!" and I know it would break her heart. I watched mom and dad experiment with limit setting--and watched them favor softness to avoid the broken heart. Mom's and dad's know. I don't think I ever got used to setting limits that broke a heart or fostered anger. I think I usually looked for another way. Sometimes those hearts take a long time to mend.

I listened and watched with amazement as Gwen "caught" meanings of words and imitated them almost as quickly as she discarded them. She has the concept that words have meaning and that mom and dad connect them with objects and activities. She loves mimicking--seemed as pleased as we were with the applause and congratulations!

I watched her light up to Grandpa's smile and favor interaction with him, even though she isn't quite ready to stay in his lap.

So I'm not really in any rush to put things away that remind me of their visit. It was fun and relaxing, with no need for "entertainment". Gwen was our show and I would have paid premium price for up front tickets.

My grandma heart is full for now with fresh memories of soft skin and dancing eyes and busy hands and feet. That new ache I started feeling a month ago is gone for now. I never had the pain until Gwen Scout was born.

I love you Gwen Scout. Andy and Lyndsey--you are the best parents in the world. Thank you for lighting up our life with that little girl. Jesus--babies are maybe the best idea of all your creations. They bring out life in all of us. Thank you.

LOVE, GRANDMA

2007-06-09T11:43:00.000-07:00

I FOUND MY KEYS!

In typical Marti-fashion, I had set me keys down somewhere during/after? unloading a full car. Two hours later when I needed to go--I could find no keys....ANYWHERE!

This happened in April. A month later we were trading in my Explorer for our new Prius.....and still no keys. Attached to my keys was my remote key to the Explorer. Surely, any day I would find the keys and be able to take the key back to Toyota. Still....no key.

Usually, God answers my pleas for finding things fairly quickly--but the answer to this prayer was eluding me. Journaling, I wondered--what are the the "keys" God wants me to find? Are there some important KEYS to my life that I have lost? Have I lost my keys to the kingdom? What are the key things God wants me to remember?

Maybe he wants me to remember what he has taught me in the past. Lord help me to find your keys--the keys you gave me a long time ago. Help me to use everything you have taught me. Jesus you ARE my key. Thank you for finding me. In Jesus name, Amen.

Months later, I was standing in the garage, talking with Ron and Michelle about her son Ruben. Since Ron had driven him home in his red convertible a few days earlier, Michelle wanted to know what he said. Ron responded that Ruben was like a lot of kids--mostly quiet. Didn't say much.

I remarked that I had finally figured out (from being with Jr. Highers for several years) that being quiet is just what they do sometimes--and it isn't good or bad--it's just what they do. And I happened to look across to the other side of the garage--and there in a corner that is usually dark.............on top of a box............... WERE MY KEYS! I screeched! I did my happy dance and "Thank you Jesus!" exclamations. I have been looking for my keys for MONTHS!

I found my keys when I remembered what God had taught me about people who don't talk much. Silence in conversations with others and with God is an important key for me to find. Sometimes I need to be silent and just listen...even when there is no talking.

2007-04-19T09:49:00.000-07:00

Tuesday
by Marti McCraw

Tuesday
Yours to draw
Pulling from my dreams
Drawing from my sorrow
Blending from my yesterdays
Creation Day
Tuesday
Blessed by breathing in and out
Blessed by eyes wide open
Heart pumping
Neurons snapping
To walk, to breathe,
To sing God's glory like the rising sun.
Hold me fast in your creation day
Merciful and mighty
March through my stubborn ways
with faith trumpets
and shouts of triumph
Crumbling walls forged with inferior material.
Stones rolled away
Reveal resurrection brilliance
in faithful obedient acts
Woven patiently
Through summer storms

and frosty frozen darkness
Never-ending, patient grace
Knowing today will shine
Tuesday
Yours.

2007-04-19T09:28:00.000-07:00

Supreme Court Upholds Ban on Partial Birth Abortion

It is good to stop and praise God. It is good to remember how good he is and that he is powerful and listening. It is good to remember that Satan is only renting the apartment and God is the landlord of this earth we live on. I am amazed at God's patience and mercy with our grotesque and cruel acts of murder and denial that He is God alone.

Lord here is victory. Here your name is glorified. Here the world recognizes something significant has happened. Thank you for protecting your little ones. Help us not grow weary. Help your servants rise up in multiplying numbers to honor you, honor your creations, honor your truth and goodness.

Thank you Lord for this decision. Thank you Lord for every person's prayer, every leader's action, every lawyer's voice, every letter, every email, every late night, every effort called forth by you to give these babies life.

Forgive us Oh God for the death we watch, the life we fail to fight for, the deaths of those who fall at our own hands, our own ignorance, our own denial. Thank you God for your mercy on the cross--as we butchered the Author of Life--"Forgive them for they know not what they do."

And then..."take up your own cross"...."what they have done to me they will do to you." Rise up in us OH God to be your faithful obedient servants of love and life. Give us your compassion for our sin--and your wrath at evil--and your softness and gentleness to woo each of us unto yourself. Not banners and trumpets and marches of anger--but glasses of water and meals of healing. Bless us Oh God with your prayers, with your insightful questions. Bless the media as your mouthpiece to the world. Push aside the evil on the loudspeaker, and speak out with your authority established since the beginning of time. Blow your trumpets and sound your horns against the opposition that would destroy and rot. Rise up in us Oh God as resurrection power in our lives to be your faithful representatives, ambassadors that shine forth the love, glory, and power of God Almighty. In Jesus name, Amen. and Amen.

2007-04-04T09:40:00.000-07:00

JESUS, WHY DIDN"T YOU COME WHEN I NEEDED YOU?

Recently, the story of Lazarus has come to mean a great deal to me. I was journaling one day about disappointments. Prayer disappointments. I had needed help. I had prayed for help, and nothing happened. Nothing was still happening...and I wrote this:

I am an exasperated Martha—Lord if you had been HERE Lazarus wouldn’t have died. Lord if you had been HERE, Ron would be walking better, feeling better, and driving better.
If you had been HERE, Kelsey would have straight legs and a straight back with no seizures. Yes, I believe in the EVENTUAL resurrection of their bodies—and mine...someday...but I really need help now.

Those thoughts of Martha and the story of Lazarus spurred me to get out my Bible and read the story of Lazarus from The Message. I walked through that story with those frustrations going on in me.

Martha said, “Master, if you’d been here, my brother wouldn’t have died. Even now, I know that whatever you ask God he will give you.” Yep. That’s me. Jesus, if you had been here, Kelsey would not have broken her legs. Ron would be healthy.

Jesus said, “Your brother will be raised up.” Lord, sometimes you tell me things that are hard to believe. This seems like a theological comment.

Martha replied, “I know that he will be raised up in the resurrection at the end of time.” Oh Martha, I know you so well. Aren’t you the good Sunday school student? You know all of the answers don’t you? You know all the should’s and ought to’s. Yet your knowing all the rules didn’t save Lazarus. You probably prayed to God for help. “Jesus is not here—so I will have to do everything I can.” Yep, that’s me. Giving the right answers, but working my tail off to force or nudge God’s hand for life.

“You don’t have to wait for the End. I am , right now, Resurrection and Life. The one who believes in me, even though he or she dies, will live. OK. Don’t get this one. Help me here Lord. I don’t have to wait for the End. You are right now, Resurrection and Life. Help me Lord to be the one who believes in you, even though I am blind, even though my ways are ways of death. Even if Ron dies. Even if Kelsey dies. Even though I am dead in my false god ways. Help me Lord in my unbelief.

And everyone who lives believing in me does not ultimately die at all. Lord I confess that like Martha, when no one including you seems to be helping—then I’m going to do it. I’m going to try to be God. I abandon you because your ways are not fitting into what I think you should be doing. Lord that is incredibly arrogant and sinful of me. It is the way of death. Show me how to believe in you. Do you believe this? Show me how. Help me Lord to make the shift to belief. I am like Martha—still standing here exasperated that you didn’t do something!

“Yes Master. All along I have believed that you are the Messiah, the Son of God who comes into the world.” Ah, the good Sunday School Student stays stubborn to the end. And yet, she must have had some hint of hope—because in the next line she told her sister that Jesus was asking for her.

After saying this, she went to her sister Mary and whispered in her ear, “The Teacher is here and is asking for you.” Martha doesn’t understand what Jesus is trying to tell her—but maybe Mary would—and she knows Mary would come to him, especially if he was asking for her. Did he ask for Mary? Did she make that up? Maybe she was thinking—“Oh, I’m just not getting it. Mary understands things better than me. She gets things that Jesus teaches. I’m stupid here. I’ll have Mary go and listen and she will get it. She will know what he is talking about.”

The moment she heard that, she jumped up and ran out to him. Jesus had not entered the town but was still at the place where Martha had met him. When her sympathizing Jewish friends saw Mary run off, they followed her, thinking she was on her way to the tomb…..Mary came to where Jesus was waiting—[Jesus was waiting…Jesus was waiting] and fell at his feet, saying, “Master, if only you had been here my brother would not have died.” Jesus, what were you waiting for? Were you waiting for Mary? Why didn’t you keep walking? Why did you want Mary to come all the way to you? How long did it take? She ran crying all the way. Wailing all the way. Wailing to Jesus. He didn’t shorten her trip—he waited until she got to him.

When Jesus saw her sobbing and the Jews with her sobbing, A DEEP ANGER WELLED UP WITHIN HIM. He said, “WHERE DID YOU PUT HIM?”

“Master, come and see,” they said. Mary did not answer. Was she hysterical? Was she too overcome by grief to talk? Was her heart so broken that even Jesus’ presence did not help? Now Jesus wept. Crying with Mary? Crying because of Mary’s broken heart? “Oh Mary, it pains me to see you in such terrible grief. I hurt with you over this heart-wrenching loss. I love you Mary. I love Lazarus. I am crying with you over this overwhelming loss.”

The Jews said, “Look how deeply he loved him”

Others among them said, “Well, if he loved him so much, why didn’t he do something to keep him from dying? After all, he opened the eyes of a blind man.” Was Martha thinking this too? Good ole practical Martha. She knew the formula. Bring Jesus and everything will be OK. But she tried to tell Jesus—she sent a messenger and he didn’t come! “If you love Mary so much, if you love Lazarus so much—why didn’t you come? I tried to get you here!”

Then Jesus, THE ANGER AGAIN WELLING UP WITHIN HIM, arrived at the tomb. Lord, are you angry with me? I have advertised my unbelief and my disappointment in you. I have advertised that I think I know your plan and I am accusing you of not following it. Forgive me Lord; I don’t even realize what I am saying. This way within me does not even come close to your ways. I am leaning on my own understanding of who you are and how you work. My heart and mind don’t even get it still. Cover me Lord with your grace—because I stand ignorant, unworthy, and full of arrogance and self-righteousness.” It was a simple cave in the hillside with a slab of stone laid against it. Jesus said, “REMOVE THE STONE.”

The sister of the dead man, Martha said, “Master, by this time there’s a stench. HE’S BEEN DEAD FOUR DAYS!” You go Martha! You tell him. He has messed everything up so far—let him know he doesn’t know what he is doing. He doesn’t realize it’s stinky in there. Boy does he need your help! "Master, there is a stench. He is dead. You don’t want to do this." Lord, do you hear Martha? I am that woman.

Jesus looked her in the eye, [mad I think] “DIDN’T I TELL YOU THAT IF YOU BELIEVED YOU WOULD SEE THE GLORY OF GOD?” Uh…oopsie....never mind. There it is Lord, that’s what I need to hear. I want to see the glory of God. Help me. Forgive me. Cleanse me. Help me to be quiet AND LISTEN. What are you telling me? Help me believe you words Holy Jesus.

Then to the others, “Go ahead, TAKE AWAY THE STONE.” Were you disappointed in me? Were you exasperated? Had you gotten tired of me not believing that you are from God? That you are the way, the truth and the life? That YOU are the resurrection? Teach me Oh God, I am an ignorant self-righteous disciple that just doesn’t get it.

They removed the stone. Jesus raised his eyes to heaven and prayed, “Father, I am grateful that you have listened to me. I know you always do listen, but on account of this crowd standing here I’ve spoken so that they might believe that you sent me.” Paraphrasing, maybe Jesus is saying something like this, "Father, we know what we are doing—and you always listen to me, but I’m praying out loud here so that Martha and Mary and this crowd might believe that I am here because you sent me. They don’t get it that I am following your instructions and that you are listening to me. They don’t get it how much we are united. They still think I am a very religious man. So Father, we know that raising Lazarus is no big deal and that a single word dictated by you brings immediate life. But Father, you gave me these babies. Let’s show them Father what we mean when I tell them you sent me.”

Then he shouted, “LAZARUS, COME OUT!” And he came out, a cadaver, wrapped from head to toe, and with a kerchief over his face. Was Martha amazed? Was she still wondering about the stench? Was she so entranced by Lazarus coming out that she stood there dumb? Was this so far outside her realm of thought that even joy was not yet possible? Was she afraid?

Jesus told them, “Unwrap him and let him loose.” I’m thinking that Martha still was not convinced everything was OK until Lazarus was unwrapped. I wonder if she was expecting to see a Lazarus that was shriveled and rotting. Lord, unwrap your resurrection in my life so I can see it. Help me to see that my brother is alive.

This is how I let scripture wrap itself around my frustrations and questions about life. I believe it was the Holy Spirit leading me to that story as I was journaling my discouragement and lack of hope. It is as if Jesus sat down with me and taught me, reminded me about this story and who he is and why he came. He reminded me who is God and who is not. Very powerful. Very humbling. Very helpful.

John 14:26
But the Counselor, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, will teach you all things and will remind you of everything I have said to you.

2007-04-04T09:24:00.000-07:00

My purpose

There was a day Lord, long ago when I was but a swirl of thoughts in your mind. I was but a twinkle in your eye. The day came when you secluded yourself off from all other angelic beings, you turned off the TV and you traveled by yourself to the womb of the earth. Secluded in the darkness—just like you were once secluded in the darkness before the earth was formed you said, “Let there be Marti.” And there I was—Your thought taking form in your hands. Your thought joining one cell from my daddy and one cell from my mama. You loved your creations so much, you didn’t want to just start all over again. You took from my daddy and mama the life that you had already formed, and breathed your life into those two united cells.

“Here Marti, these are your chromosomes. From these is the blueprint for your body, your mind, and your spirit to form. It is time. The people of earth need this little creation. Hello Marti. Hello Marti cells doubling and tripling. Very nice. Very nice. Obey me now to form heart and spine and brain. Good morning heart. Good morning spine. Good morning brain. I have great and wonderful plans for you. And now arm buds and legs. Now Marti, these are the little buds from which will grow your fingers. With these fingers you will play the piano, type, paint, draw, and take tests. These little fingers will be extensions of your heart. Extensions of your mind. These little hands will fix dinners, stroke foreheads, dig tunnels in the dirt, grasp branches to climb trees, and hold a needle to sew clothes. These arms will be used to pick up an armful of autumn leaves and throw them in the air. They will hug your mom and dad and cuddle your babies.

“What do you think little Marti. What do you think about my plans?

“Oh Lord—how majestic is your name in all the world. Your plans are beyond my imagination. I love your plans. This earth I will walk on…can I play in the dirt?

“Oh yes, you can play in the dirt and add water to make mud. You can cook your imaginary pancakes or pat out your imaginary hamburgers. You can walk in it. Sit in it. Cover yourself in it. The earth I have made is your playground.

“So what about these legs that are growing longer and strong? What about these feet that have little toes? What are you planning for these legs?

“Well, let me make some suggestions. See what sounds good for you. There’s walking on the earth—walking to and from your house, your school, the market, your friends. There’s walking in the parks, on the beach. How would you like to use them for walking?”

“Walking sounds wonderful. Yes let’s walk. Can I walk with you?”

“Walking is with me wherever you go. Walking in the sunshine, walking on the grass, walking to your grandma’s house from the car. There I am. But sometimes little one—it will be just you and I—walking among the trees, among my grand creation. I will whisper to you in the breeze and wave to you from the leaves in the trees. I will walk with you on the sand in the beach and step with you into the ocean.”

“And what about this heart Oh Lord? It beats strong and steady. What are your plans for my heart?”

“Your heart little one is the drum beat of life that keeps beating while we dance on earth. Your heartbeat is your signal every moment that I have created you for a divine purpose. Your heart is your alarm clock to tell you “Wake up!” You’re alive! Your heart is the rhythm of your dance on this earth. Your dance partners will change; first your mom and dad, then your sisters and brother, friends and teachers and finally with your husband Ron. Your heart is my mouthpiece. It is the drumbeat that sets the pace of your life:

Ba doom, Ba doom, Ba doom. Here Marti Here. Now Marti Now. Wait Marti Wait. Sit Marti Sit. Move Marti Move. Listen Marti Listen. Sing Marti Sing. Dance Marti Dance. Ba doom, Ba doom, Ba doom.”

“Sometimes your heart will ache. Sometimes you will have deep pain in your heart.”

“Why Oh Lord? Why would you want that for me?”

“Because you are my child—because your heart is my heart. And when you see something very wrong or hurtful to others—you will feel pain in your heart like I do.”

“What is your plan for me Lord? What are we going to be doing here on this earth?”

“My plan for you is to walk and breathe and dance and listen and talk…with me. But I will let you walk and breathe and dance without me if you want.”

“Why would I ever want that? Why would I ever want to leave your side?”

“My dearest Marti—choice is my gift to you. My angels do my bidding because that is how I built them. But you—you will do my bidding because you choose me. My love for you is real and always. Your love for me develops just like your fingers and toes—one spiritual cell at a time. My last gift to you before you are born is my spirit and image of life and love placed within every cell of your body. This spirit hungers and thirsts after me. You will get distracted and sometimes forget.”

“Oh Lord I will never forget!”

“But don’t worry. My mercy and patience are immense. I will woo you back to the closeness we have right now. I will call you and you will hear. When you are lost—call and I will come and find you. I am with you always.”

This blog was inspired by Psalm 139:13-16

For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.

2007-04-02T22:50:00.000-07:00

When I Was Eight

When I was eight I had a 2nd grade teacher I did not like, Mrs. Enbom. This was particularly hard since my 1st grade teacher, Mrs. Barrett had been wonderful. I had a hard time learning to tell time, and Mrs. Enbom was no help. I remember I made a painting on my BIG art folder that looked just like Abraham Lincoln. I was proud of that picture.

I will always remember my 8th birthday--because it was so fun. My parents had string criss-crossed all over the house and outside. I was to follow the string to my birthday present. I found it behind the couch in the living room--my first two-wheeled bike with training wheels--orange. It took awhile for me to learn, and I remember my dad behind me, holding onto the bike (training wheels were off) to help it stay up, and giving it a little push. Very exciting to finally ride a bicycle on my own. It felt like quite an accomplishment.

Did I start ballet when I was 8? I think so. I remember a wood floor, mirrors on the wall, and bars to hold on to. I remember pliés and tour jetés and spotting while I turned. I remember lining up with the girls to dance a step or turn across the room, one girl at a time. I LOVED IT! and I didn't have to practice every day (unlike piano).

I also remember piano. I HATED practicing! I hated it mostly because I just didn't want to stop doing other things to go sit at the piano and work. I think I only practiced when my mother made me. Piano lessons were usually embarrassing--in fact, embarrassment is the word I most associate with playing the piano. Embarrassed I hadn't practiced. Embarrassed every time I made a mistake. Embarrassed I looked bad. It was so important to me to look good and get approval. Piano was a constant reminder that I was failing and not living up to my potential. I had enough skill that my mom and piano teacher thought I could do really good. My sister Julie just refused to practice I think. She got to quit piano and take horse-back lessons--mostly to motivate her to stop sucking her thumb.

I would have LOVED horseback lessons. I would have done anything to take horseback lessons--maybe even practice my piano. (probably not). HORSES--I drew horses and ballerinas relentlessly through grade school I think. I remember the horse face because I had a drawing book that showed me how. I memorized the drawing and practiced it over and over again. And I drew ballerinas, over and over again, hands above the head with pink tutus and pointed toes. I loved ballerinas. I still love horses. I read every horse book in the library. When I finished all the horsebooks, I read all the dog books. When I finished all the dog books I read science fiction (Jr. High) and Nancy Drew and Sherlock Holmes.

If I were to write a letter to my eight-year-old self, it might be like this:

Dear Martha

If you really don't like something and it causes you regular distress, speak up and get out of it!
What people think isn't so important. It is not the end of the world to disappoint someone you love.
Let people know your dreams. People that can, will help. It doesn't hurt to share what it is you really want.
There will always be something in your life to remind you that you are failing. If there is no choice and you can't get out of it:

Look squarely at the problem.
Ask for help that FITS YOUR PERSONALITY.
Be real. Negotiate. Arrange a schedule that feels better like only practicing twice a week.
Get over it. Failing is a part of being alive--being human. Failure is wonderful, because failing reminds you that you are not God and that you need him.

Find what you love and do it. Pursue it and enjoy it.

2007-02-08T15:12:00.000-08:00

Gweny Writes to Mom

September 13, 2006

Hi mom! I'm writing you this email so you can know about my day today.

After kissing you goodbye--and telling you how much I love you--Grandma played with me for awhile until Daddy got up. Grandma moved the bouncer into the kitchen so I could watch her make Toad-in-the-hole for Daddy. I was very happy kicking and watching and listening to Grandma and Daddy talk.

Grandma put me on the floor with my chest on the boppy pillow and my legs on the floor. I could push myself up a little with my arms, kick my feet, and look around. That was really fun for about 3 minutes :-) Then I wanted to do something different.

Grandma pretended she was giving me something great (when she was actually giving me medicine) or maybe it was because her finger felt good in my mouth--or maybe I'm just getting used to the taste--ANWAY--Grandma said I was really good about taking my medicine. I didn't complain but a little tiny bit :-)

When I got tired and a little fussy Grandma took me for a walk in the Baby Bjorn, and you know what? I went to sleep right away!

We came home in time for Daddy to kiss me goodbye. He has a scratchy fuzzy face--that makes me make faces--and I love it.

Grandma read me a couple of books. I think I liked Brown Bear best because the pictures were so easy for me to see. (Don't tell Grandma, but I wasn't that interested.)

By 8:30--I had had a pretty long and active morning. I was getting tired and fussy and hungry. Grandma gave me the pacifier and that helped me calm down for awhile, but I made it clear that I wasn't going to be easy to please. That’s when Grandma called you to see if she could feed me a little early. M-m-m-m the bottle of your milk was great. I drank and drank 2 1/2 ounces. While I was drinking Grandma played with my legs and pushed against my foot. I showed her how strong I was by kicking my foot against her hand. She thought that was great--so I did it again! :-)

OK--now I got fussy. Did NOT want any more milk--and I think my tummy bothered me or something. I felt better when Grandma picked me up and walked around. In fact I felt so good I fell asleep in her arms. She laid me down and I went to sleep for about 10 minutes....until Grandma remembered she hadn't given me my medicine! She turned on the light in my room; I woke up sweet and didn't complain much about the medicine. But of course now I am AWAKE. Grandma made the mobile move and play music. I watched it for a long time until I got bored. "Come and get me Grandma!"

She walked around and talked to me and it took her awhile to figure out I was fussy because I was still hungry (9:45 am). M-m-m...she fed me and I got sleepy....until she put medicine in my mouth. Would someone please just let me sleep?! And I would have--except my diapers were wet and dirty. Finally Grandma got her act together and got it all done: Food, Medicine, and clean diaper and hm-m-m....what?...hm--m...z-z-z- good night (10:00 am)

At about 10:45 am I woke a little with my legs up in the air. Grandma turned me over on my tummy and gave me some supervised tummy time while I continued to sleep. It felt good to be a in a different position.

2:45 I woke up
3:00 Bottle, diaper change, fuss, and bottle again
Also watched Baby Einstein DVD for Language--watched it probably 15 minutes
Then I got restless.
Grandma read me a book and put me down by the window.
I went to sleep, and woke up just when you came in the door :-) HI MAMA!

September 14, 2006

Hi Mom!

Just wanted to tell you about my day after you kissed me goodbye this morning.

Daddy took good care of me while Grandma was shopping. He had me on his lap while he was working on the computer. When Grandma got home about 11:00 I woke up and got fussy. Dad said you were hungry--and Grandma was pretty sure 11:00 was the right time for me to eat. So I got my bottle at 11:00 a.m. Yum! Thanks Mom. I drank 2 oz pretty easy. Grandma kept poking me and making me sit up whenever my eyes started closing. What's that all about? She sure got excited when I opened my eyes--so I drank another ounce for her just so I could watch her get excited. She's funny. Then Grandma gave me my medicine. Yuk! That's my reward????

Since I was still awake, Daddy and grandma worked together giving me a bath. Grandma did the scrubbing and daddy did the rinsing. The water felt so good and warm. The bath was fun. Still alert and awake, Grandma took me with her to listen to Dad practice his guitar while Grandma encouraged me to drink the rest of my bottle. I don't know what the big deal was exactly, but after pinching me and sitting me up to open my eyes--I finally finished the last drop. Grandma let out a whoop like she was having a party. Anyway, she was real happy I finished the bottle. Of course, when I was happy and sleepy she put medicine in my mouth and woke me up. I didn't complain too much. Just enough to let her know I thought it was a dumb idea.

Grandma laid me down in my crib and I slept. At 1:25 pm I woke a little bringing up my legs and trying to change my position. She thought maybe I would like some tummy time--so she turned me over and I settled right to sleep to finish my dreams. She's sitting next to me now while I dictate my thoughts to her. We are really good at E.S.P. :-) I'm sleeping with my legs bent under me and my bottom in their air. Grandma thinks I look cute in that position--but then she seems to think I look cute in EVERY position. Silly Grandma.

At 2:12 p.m. I got restless with my neck in the same position for 45 minutes, so Grandma turned me over again on my back. That felt better. I moved around a little bit and rested some more. Then you came home just when I was ready to wake up. Hi Mama!

2007-02-08T10:26:00.000-08:00

WRITTEN IN September 06

I’m Still on Vacation

My mind is still on vacation at Julie’s

Stepping into the cathedral quiet rain forest

Surprised it is so close to our sitting and watching TV

I’m still walking the trail with her yellow lab as our senses come alive in the shaded damp forest scent

Eyes dancing from fern to sunbeam through the trees

“Just a trail,” I thought, “a pretty walk”…until

I stepped into God’s Cathedral forest

Sometimes beauty is so unexpected,

I meet it with a surprised intake of breath and awe.

He is here in this place of quiet

Enjoying the coolness

This meeting place where words and thoughts are set aside

For gazes and deep breaths and amazed sighs.

Wordless beauty

Bathed in peace.

I’m still on vacation

Laughing in double sol

Our guards melting into adventurous cheating and catching

Punishing and laughing.

A game my mother plays with practiced hand—Julie too

Who knows when such silliness will come to life?

It didn’t come to life with rolling dice which was almost a sleepy chase to see who could get there first.

But then a game of cards emerges with two professionals and one beginner.

1000 points in dice did not boost the enthusiasm like catching someone’s mistake.

She saw it and I didn’t and an extra card slapped my way

amid protests of complaints and sighs of compliance.

Tension rises as each person’s intent grows to catch and not be caught.

In this game, our should’s and ought to’s were tossed aside except for the placement of cards and the laughter and glee at catching and getting caught.

We got to see each other new in ways never captured shopping or watching TV.

I’m still on vacation as mom and I express our gratitude with gifts of chores needed

but set aside by Julie for more pressing or less focused times.

My prayerful eyes surveyed the landscape to see what I could do that would boost the soul—every soul. What chore, what gift could I offer?

For Saturday we chose the front yard—still

pretty but needing attention.

We weeded and pulled and dug and raked. We trimmed and mowed and swept. We shopped for flowers and bulbs and mother found their homes in the flower beds.

Standing back and taking pictures, the yard was clean and neat and ready for the coming winter.

Hard work and deep satisfaction.

I’m still on vacation—a somewhat commissioned decorator.

Out pops decorative items and ideas for mantels and dining room and entertainment center.

The purpose driven detective decorator in me searches and unveils items needed and discarded.

And after the flurry—a mantle sparkles with tiny lights, orange berries, and candles.

A dusted entertainment center is cleared and rearranged with RELAX and Luke and decorated egg on top. Overhead baskets and star blend with the dark wood in contrast to the gold yellow wall.

The dining room basks with autumn leaves and candles,

new placemats and contrasting plates—ready for the harvest meals.

My mind is still on vacation

A bit nervous on the way late to Contra Dancing.

Driving a long way to a school, I think,

and a downstairs room looking older than me

with wooden floors and a stage.

A ragamuffin group of expectant people

wearing their choice of dancing clothes.

Jeans and T shirts, blouses and swirling skirts.

Tennis shoes and jazz shoes to no shoes at all.

Quick verbal instructions from my sister wanting to help me in my first dancing.

Could I do it?

Would I be foolish and faltering in my steps?

Would I be sorry and rather sit and watch?

What have I done by jumping off this platform to dance?

“Would you like to dance?” he asked.

I didn’t know if I would like to dance, but wanted to more than not.

“Yes, but I’m new and haven’t done this before.”

My undaunted partner steps with me out to the dance floor and amid confused mind and baffled feet

I listen to foreign instructions and bumble through a brief practice.

The music starts and off we go into vaguely familiar territory. I know the swing and doh se doh, but other steps and directions catch me dumb. My partners' gentle nudges and encouraging smiles help my awkward body remember a smoother way. Can I do this?

By the time the evening is over with many dances under my belt,

I DID IT! Partners rejoiced when I got it right.

I didn’t hide and go away.

I risked and tried and had a wonderful time.

Thank you Julie for encouraging me to share your new joy in dancing.

Julie is my adventurous sister.

Stepping into fearful divorce alone with six children

Wading through depression

And keeping her children close and prayed for.

Unwavering faith into each fearful place.

Weathering loss and homelessness

No jobs and new jobs

New homes and children faltering in their young adult lives.

Never have I seen such closeness in a family.

Obvious love and devotion for a mom that has weathered the storms with faith and a smile.

Julie is my adventurous sister

Buying and selling homes on her own

Dancing alone with new partners to swing
I am tickled and please to see joy reborn

On her face

In her voice

In her body

A dance resurrection that breathes new life into her soul.

Julie is my adventurous sister

And now it seems God sheds his grace on her.

Beautiful home and yard,

Good job, wonderful church.

We are only waiting for her new friends to come and discover her.

Friends that are looking for an adventure ;-)

Relaxing in the hot tub.

The forest in the background of Julie's hot tub is the cathedral forest mentioned near the beginning.

Julie and I in front of Lake Stevens

2007-01-26T19:57:00.000-08:00

Why a blog?

I love to journal. I love to share my thoughts and ideas with others--but with email I have this nagging feeling that some of my recipients are not exactly thrilled with being sent some of my "sermons" or ideas. So I thought that it might be easier on everybody if I created a blog. Then people can check out what Marti is up to...or not.

2007-01-23T12:01:00.000-08:00

Saga of The Winter Chest Cold of 2007

In December, shortly after Christmas all the McCraw clan came down with a cold. I noticed that uncomfortable feeling in the back of my throat as air passed over a tender spot. I thought to myself, “I remember that feeling—it usually means I am getting a cold—do I have anything (in my vitamin/herb arsenal) that could fight this off?

Zicam! I have Zicam. I have it and EVEN know where it is. So before I fell off to sleep I took a Zicam. One didn’t quite seem to do the trick—so I took another. Ah-h. The throat was coated in zinc—I could breathe comfortably now, and I went to sleep.

Next morning, my throat felt OK, but a still little tickle. I took several more Zicam and went on my way feeling pretty good.

Meanwhile, Ron and Kelsey were coming down hard. Kelsey’s little lungs were filling with clear fluid to cart away this new viral infection. Ron was developing a hacking cough. I started the vitamin C Rosehip routine with Kelsey and made sure she got plenty of fluids. Ron was taking lots of vitamins—but I knew this was a virus. A virus will play its game until it is finished—and play its game it did.

Kelsey’s breathing grew very shallow—and gurgly. She didn’t/wouldn’t cough. It seemed to hurt. Two different times in several days, Ron was getting fluid down her and her body involuntarily coughed up lots of clear fluid. Once I panicked when Kelsey was having difficulty breathing, and Sean (my EMT trained son-in-law) looked at her. He noticed her nails were still deep pink, and good color around her eyes and nose. He explained when any of these areas started turning blue—Kelsey was not getting enough oxygen. I calmed down and kept taking care of Kelsey.

Finally Kelsey’s appetite returned. She was still coughing with lots of phlegm —but she was feeling better. Ron was gradually getting better. I was feeling a very slight cold—but nothing of any consequence……..UNTIL I overdid.

Evidently, my cold was held at bay. Then I had a busy week and forced through several things that were probably too much (I wanted to cancel--but thought, "Oh, I can do it." On top of that I had two sleepless nights. After the second sleepless night my body could no longer "hold the fort" and gave in to a miserable chest cold. My first day of the cold I spent getting ready for company that night--cleaning, planning, cooking etc. (what was I thinking?). After company left that night--I collapsed in a pile and announced, "Ron I can't do anything for anybody--I am too sick." I was correct. The next couple of days, ALL I did for anybody was change Kelsey's diapers. The rest of the time I spent soaking in a hot tub, sleeping in bed, or sizzling in the sauna. I just couldn't seem to get warm enough. All I wanted was to curl up and be warm.

Meanwhile, --the same time I was doing poorly, Kelsey took a downturn, lost her appetite and started coughing unmercifully. She had already been sick close to two weeks. In another two weeks she was due her week of seizures. How can she survive being sick and eating so little? (When Kelsey gets sick--food basically goes to liquid diet of water and juices until her appetite returns. Her body just doesn't seem able to handle digesting heavier food while she is trying to get well.) I started getting concerned with those red flags that go up when mothers feel that their child's health may be out of control.

I gathered enough energy to go to see my nutritional counselor about Kelsey first, and then myself. He recommended Echnicea/Goldenseal for several days. (I had run out or I would probably have been using it). Within the next couple of days, Kelsey and I both started pulling out of it. My energy was returning and so was Kelsey's appetite. At night I perspired so heavily, I had to move over to a dry place on the bed where I could get warm.

So, now I had a Kleenex box and a trash bag with me everywhere I went. With each productive cough...well, you know.

Oriental medicine understands colds and flu to be opportunities for the body to cleanse and detoxify. That makes sense to me. Between the night sweats and the coughing up phlegm I was certainly cleaning out all kinds of toxins. I surrendered to letting the virus take it's course, while I did everything I could on my part to encourage my body to get well.

It is now about one month later--and that uncontrollable cough is mostly gone. This has been quite a journey for all of us.

What did I learn?

1. Zicam works--just don't push the body.

2. This particular virus has a long life. Be patient with the process of getting well.

3. If regular stuff (Rose hip vitamin C, drink fluids, etc.) isn't working--consult a professional. They are helping others (everybody was getting this cold) and they know what is working. Echnicea/goldenseal was working. (I go to see Dr. Alan Prebilsky @ Health Unlimited. He does not charge except for the supplements).

4. Look on the bright side. This was definitely a detox for my body--and maybe a healing crisis of some kind. Since I was all cleaned out--it was a great opportunity to make healthy choices.

5. God heals. When I got scared about Kelsey's health, I emailed friends and family to pray for her. I thought this might be too much for her--and I was preparing to let her go. (This has become routine in her 20 years). My friends and family prayed--and it pleased God for Kelsey to stay with us.