Significant Nothing Day
This is my significant nothing day--which might get interrupted by something--and that could mess it all up, because then I will need another nothing day.
Today I watched Lady in the Water two times because...I wanted to. Because it reminds me of Kelsey and who she is, and who I am, and who all those around her are.
But I did not take a shower, did not clean up the living room, did not exercise yet--I let this anxiety in myself build up--this "ought to" anxiety--and ignored it. Because I know it isn't always real--and that if I always answer my ought to's the real me gets lost somewhere, and the "ought to's" loom larger and become more demanding.
So I ignore my ought to's for a day and enjoy whatever I want--and waste time extravagantly. My husband comes home to the very same mess he left that morning--and sometimes I even whine that I got nothing done all day. But I am learning to be proud of my nothing days, just like I am proud of my something days.
There are bills, and errands, and phone calls....but not right now. I used to reprimand myself for such selfish indulgence--until I realized after years and years--that soon following my nothing days--I got all kinds of stuff done--and unusually fast or with unusual patience. I am pretty sure my nothing days make my something days possible.